


The Alley Men

by morebeesthanyoucouldimagine



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, M/M, Mental Instability, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-06-27 18:56:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 36,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19796992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morebeesthanyoucouldimagine/pseuds/morebeesthanyoucouldimagine
Summary: Witnessing a brutal murder at a young age left Eren burdened with flashbacks and nightmares. Yet, as the years go by, he grows more and more fascinated with them rather than terrified. His nightmares quickly turn to wet dreams about the murderer with silver eyes. Eren assumes that he’ll never get to find out what happened to him and struggles to make peace with that, until he finally runs into his “hero” at college, only to find out that he’s no longer the vicious killer Eren had dreamt of. It seems Eren is going to have to take matters into his own hands to reintroduce Levi to the joys of murder.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pinkheichou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkheichou/gifts).



> Thank you to m_richelieu for beta-ing!! I love you!!

It was bad enough that the pre-school had been unexpectedly closed for the day, now he was going to have to bring the brat along to work with him? If Eren had been just a few years older, maybe he could have trusted Eren to actually behave. They could barely trust him to use the restroom on his own, Grisha had no desire to bring him into the clinic.  
  
He needed to get Carla to pick him up. Sure, she was busy at her own job, but surely, she could take a day off to make sure Eren was supervised.  
  
As they stood outside the clinic, the sun was just barely peaking above the horizon. The town was painted in golden hues as Eren tried to explore the area as much as he could. He still didn’t understand why he couldn’t go play with his friends at school.  
  
The alleyway looked like fun, but his father kept pulling him back to the sidewalk. Sure, the biohazard signs should have been an indicator that Eren wasn’t supposed to be there. But those signs couldn’t stop him, he couldn’t read. Before Grisha could pull him back, his phone’s vibrations distracted him. He quickly flicked his phone out, irritated to see that it was one of the local pharmacies. Specifically, the one that had been reaching deeper and deeper into his pockets.  
  
He had been in this industry for over a decade, there was no fucking way they were going to convince him that morphine should cost that much.  
  
Without his father holding him back, Eren felt free to take a few steps away from him to find some way to entertain himself.  
  
While Eren was smart enough to not play with the broken glass in the alley, he wasn’t quite equipped enough to know what to do when he looked up and saw what lay before him. Some poor bastard was attempting to crawl away from what looked like a scrawny teenager. More specifically, a scrawny teenager wielding a small knife.  
  
While his mother had warned him not to play with knives, he never knew the reason why. He felt the innocent urge to go up to the other boy and tell him his mother’s spiel, but that innocence was ripped away in moments.  
  
The traffic outside the alleyway muffled the horrific gurgling noises coming from the man as he choked on his own blood. Eren wanted to scream as the knife slashed through his chest, but he felt as if the wind had been knocked from his lungs.  
  
The teenager was merciless as he broke through bones and cartilage, blood splattering all over his own torso. It almost seemed that he didn’t mind the mess until he cut through an artery. His face was painted in the gore, a grimace clear on his face.  
  
Eren could see him muttering as he wiped his cheek, but he would have to be closer to hear him. It was at that moment that Eren didn’t feel quite as paralyzed. He took a few cautious steps back, terrified to startle the vicious teen in front of him. He naturally reached for his father’s coat sleeve, tugging it sharply.  
  
“Eren, not now.” Grisha hissed, taking a few steps away from his son. He kept talking into the phone, arguing with the saleswoman on the other side of the line.  
  
“Dad.” Eren tugged harder at his sleeve, his eyes never leaving the horrific scene before him.  
  
Once the teen seemed satisfied with the lifeless body in front of him, he glanced around looking for anything that could be used to hide it. It didn’t need to be hidden for long. The moment he saw the medical dumpster, a small smile blossomed across his face. His eyes drifted to the side, looking at the entrance to the alley.  
  
A small boy, maybe five or six years old, was staring back at him. His face was as pale as if he had seen a ghost. The teen raised a bloody finger to his lips, gently shushing the boy before opening the dumpster. It was almost completely full, surely it was going to be emptied soon. Perfect. With those green eyes burning into him, the teen shoved the body in, making sure to get all of the chunks of meat that had flown off in the frenzy as well. If he was lucky enough, the hazardous waste was scheduled to be picked up today. Perhaps the evidence would be gone within the hour.  
  
-  
  
“Eren, the alley man wasn’t real.” His mother cupped his cheek after the boy recounted what he saw.  
  
Eren sniffled, rubbing his shirt sleeve against his nose. Carla would have to talk to him about using a tissue later. “No, he was! I saw him!”  
  
Eren had made up stories before, but nothing this consistent or grounded in some sense of reality. It was usually stories about seeing dragons or going on an adventure out in the backyard. This… this was unprecedented.  
  
By the next day, Eren had given up on telling him his story and instead chose to draw out the scene instead. It left Carla feeling uneasy, praying that this was just a disturbing imaginary friend Eren had made.  
  
It couldn’t possibly be real, right? Grisha would have seen it too. Yet, anytime Carla asked about the ‘alley man’ Eren insisted he was real. No amount of gentle persuasion seemed to shake her son. It left Carla feeling terrified. “Grisha, what if he’s not lying.” She whispered to him that night, well after Eren had gone to sleep.  
  
“Carla, he’s a kid,” he shrugged, focusing on working through their taxes. “they make stuff up all the time. I’m sure he’s fine.”  
  
Her husband seemed convinced, but Carla bit her lip and looked at the crayons left scattered on the floor. The red one had been broken and almost completely used up as Eren drew gushing blood all over his coloring books.  
  
-  
  
The fluorescent lights above him were harsh, yet they were a distraction from the cuffs cutting into his wrists, keeping him firmly secured to his wheelchair.  
  
As they passed through hallway after hallway, Levi felt more and more agitated. Blank walls, doors, and hideous lights. Blank walls, doors, and hideous lights. Blank walls, doors, and, oh, a potted plant. That was different. Yet, it passed by all the same.  
  
He wasn’t fully convinced that they were actually going anywhere. Perhaps this was his own personal hell. Being cursed to view the same shitty hallways for all of eternity did seem pretty tortuous. Yet, their journey came to an abrupt stop in front of one of the doors. It was labeled only with the name ‘Dr. Zoe’.  
  
The guards muttered some confirmation to each other before knocking on the door. An excited squeal ripped through the otherwise completely silent hallway. Levi would be lying if he said that it didn’t catch him off guard.  
  
The reinforced door opened with a bang, nearly slamming into the guard standing next to it. If the doctor noticed, or cared, they didn’t say so. “Hey, you must be Levi!” They said, giddiness tainting their voice. They looked Levi up and down, making mental notes about his appearance and comparing him to the notes they received. “My name is Hanji! We’re going to grow really close over the next few years!”  
  
An awkward silence hung in the air as if they expected Levi to reply. Their smile slid off their face slightly as their eyes rested on the muzzle preventing the teen’s mouth from moving. “Maybe we could loosen up his muzzle, so he could try to talk?”  
  
The two guards looked at each other warily. One of them reached out to put a hand between the doctor and their patient, discouraging Hanji from loosening the buckles themselves. “Sorry, um, we can’t do that.” He looked down at Levi. Those emotionless grey eyes were staring directly back at him, piercing through his soul. He swallowed nervously before looking back at the doctor. “He attempted to escape yesterday by biting a nurse.”  
  
“Ah,” Something glinted in their eyes, a sense of morbid curiosity perhaps. “So, you’re a feisty one, huh?” They dared to reach out and ruffle the boy’s dark hair. The guards stiffened, just waiting to see Levi lash out somehow. “All the better,” the doctor said as they grabbed the handles of the chair and pushed Levi into their office. “I love a good challenge.”  
  
-  
  
Years went on, eventually, Eren’s doodles returned back into race cars and space ships. Carla was just relieved to see that her son was back to being a ‘normal’ child. She was tempted to ask him about the man in the alley again, but she was content to just let it linger in the past. The sooner it was all behind them, the better.  
  
But even as Eren grew, those few days of his childhood still lingered in the back of her mind. Any time Eren seemed particularly angry or aggressive, she couldn’t help but wonder if that little phase was just a warning sign.  
  
As Eren reached middle school, his violent behaviors started to get out of hand. He had gotten into minor fights before, usually protecting his friends. But now, he was starting to get into fists fights with students.  
  
The school principal would continue to recommend some sort of therapy for Eren, but Grisha protested. He claimed that the boy was simply going through the early stages of puberty. “He just needs to find an outlet.” He’d claim.  
  
Carla agreed that he needed something to do, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that this wasn’t just hormones. Sports was the first outlet that they all seemed to agree on. Eren was naturally drawn to track and field, wanting to be able to run as much as he wanted to.  
  
Of course, he didn’t understand the idea of holding himself back and pacing himself at first, but it was a pretty good lesson to learn at such an age. His stubborn, somewhat angry personality didn’t go away entirely, but his violence had almost completely vanished for the time being.  
  
It was a relief.  
  
By the time high school rolled around, Eren had gotten in with a nice scholarship. His performance on the track had been quite shocking. His speeds weren’t record-breaking, but his endurance was something that separated him from the others. It didn’t matter if the sun was scorching or the rain was pouring, he was still prepared to keep going.  
  
Yet, as much as he was able to vent his frustrations by pounding his feet against the rubber track after school, Eren found that familiar anger returning. Images of the teen with the short, raven hair would always resurface at night. The memories seemed to change over the years, focusing less and less on the fear he felt and more on the beautiful boy.  
  
God, Eren had wished he had stood a little bit closer to get a closer look at his precious alley man.  
  
He found himself losing nights of sleep as questions ran through his head. What was his name? Why didn’t he attack Eren too? Why would he leave witnesses? Why was he stupidly handsome?  
  
Eventually, Eren found his hand being his only companion on these long nights. He wasn’t even sure what he was jerking off to. Maybe it was the boy with the undercut, maybe it was the murder itself.  
  
Who knew?  
  
It didn’t even matter anyway.  
  
-  
  
Carla’s fears never fully went away. There were nights that she would just stare up at the ceiling, fearing for her baby boy. After years of talking to Grisha, he finally gave in and agreed that perhaps at least one therapy session could be good for him.  
  
Dr. Ral specialized in working with traumatized children and teenagers, and while Carla and Grisha didn’t believe he was, she would probably be more equipped to deal with some of their concerns. Rather, she would be more equipped to deal with Carla’s concerns.  
  
When Carla informed Eren of the appointment, he immediately found any excuse he to not go. It was usually something related to track and field. He was always talking along the lines that he would let his team down if he didn’t show up.  
  
And while Carla could tolerate that for a short while, the worry gnawing at her wouldn’t put up with it for months on end. She hated tricking Eren, but if he could clear his schedule for a family trip out to an amusement park, then he would have time to go to a therapy session beforehand. Besides, with Carla’s fears put aside, she would finally be able to enjoy the rest of her day with her son.  
  
Visiting the complex where Dr. Ral worked was awkward, as it meant that they would have to take an hour out of their day just to get there, but it was worth it. Even though Eren was engrossed in his phone for a while, he soon realized that they weren’t heading towards the park. With his brows furrowed and his arms crossed, he rested in the back of the car, glaring up at the rearview mirror.  
  
  
Doctor Petra Ral was friendly enough, but Eren didn’t want to be here. He was fine. He didn’t want to be fixed. There was absolutely nothing wrong with him. After a few tense and obligatory questions, she decided to get to the heart of the matter. “So, Eren, your parents mentioned someone you called ‘the alley man’. Why don’t you tell me about him?”  
  
“Oh, that?” Eren scoffed. If his parents didn’t believe him back then, why would he want someone to believe him now? “Just a stupid story I came up with as a kid. I hardly remember it. I claimed I saw someone get attacked in an alley by an ‘alley man’.” He shrugged as if it was a completely normal occurrence. “You know how kids can be.”  
  
Eren’s smile and chuckle didn’t convince Dr. Ral like it had convinced nearly everyone else. She clicked her pen and took a few notes. “Why would you make up something like that?” She asked without looking up from her notes.  
  
Eren almost pursed his lips and was glad that she wasn’t watching him fabricating his lie. “I don’t know, probably because my dad was paying attention to his phone call more than me if I had to guess.” That was a damn good lie, probably because it was truer than he realized.  
  
Petra’s scribbling came to a stop as she observed Eren silently. “Does your father’s emotional detachment bother you quite a lot?” She crossed one leg over the other, quite aware of where this conversation would be heading. This was, unfortunately, a common topic during her sessions.  
  
“I guess I got used to it.” He said as if he had rehearsed this entire conversation. “He got better as the years went on though.” Eren let himself rest back in his chair, content with how he was falsely describing himself.  
  
Yet, despite his moderate efforts, she remained unconvinced. “Emotional neglect as a child can still affect you today, even if your father was more responsive to your needs as you grew.”  
  
Eren could feel his careless smile starting to slip. “I looked up the symptoms, and I personally don’t think I exhibit any of them.”  
  
“You…” Petra’s voice trailed off, looking at Eren peculiarly. “…looked up the symptoms? Not many kids come in here self-diagnosed, Eren.”  
  
“I think psychology is fascinating, Mrs. Ral.” He said genuinely. “I’m thinking about getting a major in criminology.” He moved to stand up from his chair.  
  
“Really? How fascinating.” She could tell Eren was trying to leave. “But are you sure there isn’t anything you want to talk about? Your parents paid for a full two hours and we’re…” She looked down at her watch, her brows furrowing. “…only twenty minutes in.”  
  
“I’m sure, Mrs. Ral.” Eren nodded, heading for the door.  
  
She didn’t stop him.  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Levi’s cell, rather his ‘room’ as Hanji called it, had grown more and more comfortable over the years. His originally stiff and starchy sheets had been replaced with more comfortable cotton ones. They were a gift for Hanji for starting to talk to them. It was a major step up for him.  
  
While Hanji didn’t tell him about potential gifts ahead of time, Levi quickly realized that he was actually looking forward to what the doctor might bring him. After he stopped threatening to hurt everyone he encountered, Hanji even started buying him some tea.  
  
He hated the fact that he was responding so well to such a simple form of treatment. His personality was being tamed before his very eyes. God, what was happening to him. Yet, there was something about the atmosphere there that just helped him feel… calm?  
  
It took him a while to realize that people weren’t coming to attack him at night. He didn’t need to go out to scavenge for food or money. He didn’t have to worry about someone trying to claim his little shelter for themselves.  
  
He was safe.  
  
Well, at least he was physically safe.  
  
He could hear Hanji’s thundering steps down the hall. They seemed more eager to study him and take him apart each day. “Levi!” They called out as they knocked on Levi’s door. As reckless they were most of the time, at least they knew not to just walk into a known killer’s room unannounced.  
  
“No.” Levi flopped over and covered his head with a pillow.  
  
“But I haven’t said anything yet.” The doctor whined through the door. It wasn’t exactly professional, but they felt that a stiff conversation with patients was never very helpful.  
  
“I don’t want to know,” Levi muttered back, barely audible through the reinforced door. The moment he heard their key hit the lock, he felt his patience start to wither. He hadn’t expected them to hold off because of his words alone, but he could still hope.  
  
The light from the hallway coated him in a cheap, sterile glow. At least the light wasn’t flickering anymore, that drove him up a damn wall. “Just listen to me,” Hanji said, slowly approaching the bed. There was a slight moment of hesitation. It had been well over two years since Levi had stashed away a small shard of glass under his pillow, hoping to attack the doctor and flee, but the memories of that night still rose to the surface. “Some of my higher-ups are discussing a ‘second chance’ program for juvenile murderers. If you check out you could be released.” Hanji hadn’t expected Levi to bounce off the walls in glee, but his absolute silence was concerning. “…and you might get some assistance with getting into a university to put your life back on track.”  
  
“What’s the catch?” He muttered, still facing the opposite wall.  
  
Hanji remained silent for a moment, considering his question and his distrust. “You’d just have to check back in with us for psych evaluations now and then-“  
  
“No, but how are they benefiting from this program.” Nobody did shit for free. There was no way in hell a state-funded organization was showing ‘compassion’ and ‘mercy’ without some sort of gain.  
  
Hanji let out a sigh. “…they’re running out of space here and paying for a few people to go to college is still cheaper than opening up a new psych ward.”  
  
“There it is,” Levi muttered as he tucked himself deeper into his blankets. He longed to fall asleep, but most days that was considered a luxury for him.  
  
“Levi,” They took another step forward. “That doesn’t mean that everyone out there is out for financial gain.”  
  
“The individual might not be,” The teen, no, the young adult said, sitting up properly. “but people in groups always are.”  
  
Hanji couldn’t exactly say that he was wrong, but they bit their lip. It was unfortunate to see someone so young already so quick to judge people by theoretical ulterior motives. “I guess we’re going to have to work on your trusting a bit more.” The silence that grew between them was to be expected, but it certainly wasn’t powerful enough to drive Hanji away. “How about a trust fall practice?” They said after a few moments of internal debating.  
  
Maybe Levi needed someone to trust him before he could trust someone else.  
  
“No,” Levi said, making absolutely no motion to get out of his bed and support his doctor.  
  
Yet, they spread their arms wide and shut their eyes. Levi just watched from his bed as their back landed on the floor with a loud thud. They laid there for a moment, not moving at all. For a brief second, Levi almost felt worried about them. No, that couldn’t be true. He was worried that the guards would blame him for anything that happened to Hanji. That’s why he was worried, right?  
  
“I uh…” They said, blinking their eyes open. “…probably should have figured that was going to happen.” No irritation or disappointment lingered in their voice.  
  
-  
  
He had been sitting there for a fucking hour. He had been bolted down to the chair, reminding him of his first month at the facility.  
  
Ah, good times.  
  
At least this time, his cuffs weren’t nearly as tight, and the guards had decided to forgo the muzzle. Levi could have almost said he was comfortable if it wasn’t for the damn clock letting him know every time he wasted a second in there.  
  
He let his eyes slip shut, the constant noise of the clock disrupting his thoughts. Yet, even with the sharp, persistent irritation, he was able to just listen to everything going on around him. He could hear doors opening and closing through the muffled, padded walls of the room. He swore he could hear talking on the other side of the wall in front of him. Clearly, these fuckers hadn’t forgotten about him.  
  
Sure enough, Hanji came through the door with a bang, their arms weighed down by a paper folder that was threatening to tear in half. Judging by the number of papers sticking out at odd angles and the lack of any sort of dividers or organization, he could tell that this was Hanji’s personal folder, rather than their issued one.  
  
Great. That meant today was a ‘special’ day.  
  
“Okay, Levi.” Hanji tried to catch their breath as if they went on a run around the facility before just deciding to barge in here.  
  
“What now?” Levi groaned, stretching his legs out a bit. He was really starting to feel cramped in that damned metal chair.  
  
“Let’s try working out what you can do when you encounter one of your triggers.”  
  
“Are these restraints really necessary?”  
  
“I didn’t think so,” Hanji placed their folder down on the table, a low thud echoed in the room. They looked between their patient and the one-way mirror across from Levi. “…but it’s not my choice.” They could feel Erwin’s eyes follow them from the other side of the glass as they took their seat.  
  
Erwin had been asking to see Levi’s reactions himself. He had refused to believe all of Hanji’s praise.  
  
Levi’s eyes narrowed, sensing an obvious tension in the room. “Hmm.”  
  
Hanji sorted their papers, rather, they pulled out the random assortment they wanted. “So, I want you to find more… socially acceptable ways to deal with stress.” Levi had to physically restrain himself from rolling his eyes. “In this controlled environment, we’re going to encourage you to verbally confront the issue, or even better, find a way to cope on your own.”  
  
“I already hate this,” Levi grumbled, flexing his fingers. If he really tried, he could probably get out of there.  
  
“That’s the spirit!” Hanji squealed, startling both Levi and Erwin. “You’re using your words to explain your displeasure! You may not realize this, but that’s a huge improvement for you considering how you were when you were first brought in.”  
  
This time, Levi didn’t restrain himself from rolling his eyes and letting out a sigh. He was well aware that it was Hanji’s job to ‘fix’ him, but her constant and overwhelming enthusiasm could get very stale very quickly.  
  
After a few sessions with Dr. Petra, it became pretty evident that repetitive noises tended to drive Levi up a goddamn wall. But, hey, Levi managed to sit in a room where the loudest sound was a fucking clock. How bad could he really be?  
  
The first test was moderately easy to get by. Just the simple tapping of Hanji’s pen against the metal table. Most of the time, the taps fell in line with the ticking of the clock, forming an orderly noise. It still made Levi’s toes curl, but whatever.  
  
The second test was much more grating on his nerves. The moment they pursed their lips to let out a little whistle, Levi had enough. “Fucking stop.”  
  
To his surprise, Hanji actually did, if only for a moment. “How about trying to find something to cope?”  
  
“It’s a noise, dammit!” He snapped, his brows furrowing tightly. “I can’t look away or just breathe through my mouth. There’s nothing I can do to stop myself from hearing it!” The noise was all around him, just taunting him.  
  
Eventually, Hanji let their insidious whistling end. They took a few haphazard notes before looking back at Levi. Their expression was perplexing. Their eyes were riddled with care, but also disappointment. Perhaps, Hanji really had thought Levi was doing better than he was. “Well, you could just make a louder noise to cover it up.”  
  
Levi took a moment to look into the doctor’s eyes. “How socially acceptable is that?”  
  
“It’s not,” they shrugged “, but it’s what I like to do! Like when there’s construction outside my window sometimes I’ll just sing really loud other times I’ll scream!”  
  
Levi found that he wasn’t shocked in the slightest. “Aren’t you supposed to be teaching me how to be fucking normal?”  
  
Hanji gave him a tense smile. “I’m giving you… alternatives.”  
  
“Your alternatives suck ass.” He said bluntly, leaning back into his chair, preparing for whatever form of audio torture was going to come next.  
  
Yet, Hanji didn’t get a chance to create another disturbance. “Pleasant as always, Levi,” Erwin said over the intercom, signaling to Hanji that the tests were done for now.  
  
Hanji looked down at their papers, realizing that Levi’s progress wasn’t anywhere close to where it was supposed to be. They let out a soft sigh before ruffling Levi’s hair and heading out the door. It was clear that Levi wasn’t trying, but Hanji could also argue that it was clear that Levi wasn’t fighting them. Sure, he was quite passive in his own path to reformation, but at least he wasn’t actively pushing against them anymore.  
  
Hanji could only hope that Erwin could see it like that.  
  
-  
  
Eren started to get into some comfortable rhythms in his last few weeks of high school. He was already admitted to college with a few scholarships, he didn’t really need to push himself too hard anymore. Only one or two of his peers were actually giving a fuck anymore, the rest of them had given in to so-called ‘senioritis’.  
  
So other than just showing up to classes and track meets, Eren had nothing that he had to do. His social life ate up a lot of his free time, but what time was left was spent watching horror movies or crime stories. He was usually able to defend his odd choices by claiming he had a humble morbid curiosity.  
  
“That’s the fourth crime documentary you’ve watched today, Eren.” Carla’s voice cut through the dark living room. She was tempted to turn the lights on and see what he was fully up to, but she held back.  
  
“Yes, and?” Eren asked, not pulling his eyes away from the corpse on the screen. The story was about a murder from a few years that had still gone unsolved. In his heart, Eren hoped that the alley man was behind this.  
  
Carla left her hand resting on the door frame as she pulled her eyes off of the screen. She didn’t know how Eren could stomach all these graphic stories. “I don’t know, wouldn’t you rather be watching cartoons?”  
  
“Mom, I’m heading off to college in three months.” Eren chuckled, putting the television on mute. “I think I’m mature enough to watch this stuff, right?”  
  
Carla couldn’t bring herself to reply. She hoped that her lingering worries were just her worrying about him leaving the house soon. She still couldn’t believe he had grown so quickly.  
-  
  
“So, early on you said your reflection bothered you, right?” Hanji asked as they sat back down across from Levi.  
  
Levi looked up slowly, racking his brain for any semblance of a memory to suggest Hanji was correct. “…did I?”  
  
Hanji looked into his silver eyes, shocked to see genuine confusion reflecting in them. “That’s what it says here in my notes from Dr. Petra.” They explained, pushing the note towards Levi. “Do you have any recollection of mirrors bothering you?”  
  
Levi read through the note a few times. The dialogue that Petra recorded certainly sounded like him, but he didn’t remember any of it. Maybe it was just way too early on in his stay here for him to remember. “I don’t think so.”  
  
“Then lets just test that to be sure.” They said, sliding a simple hand mirror across the table to Levi.  
Another year without an incident meant that Erwin was finally letting Levi be tested without restraints. At first, Levi felt like it was quite a big deal of freedom, but now he realized that all it did was make testing easier on their part.   
  
As Levi gripped the handle and looked back at his own face, he didn’t feel any different at all. Maybe Petra had him mixed up with another patient. Levi knew they were overworking that poor woman.  
  
“Just look at your own reflection for twenty seconds and tell me how you feel,” Hanji said, setting a timer before watching Levi very intently.  
  
He sighed and gave in. This was a waste of his time, as were many of these tests.  
  
It was just his face, just his fucking face. What more did they want from him? His hair hadn’t changed at all. His cheeks were a little slimmer. His eyes were-  
  
They were hers. As Levi locked gazes with his reflection, memories of his mother came rushing forth.  
  
That night. Oh god, that night.  
  
Levi could feel his breathing starting to slow down into a steady, silent pace. He only learned to breathe like that from his uncle, his sick fucking uncle.  
  
He could feel the familiar sensation of blood coating his hands, the weight of a dagger in his hands, rage in his heart.  
And Levi could have just shattered the mirror right then and there. Hanji wouldn’t have time to react.  
  
“…and time’s up! How do you feel, Levi.” They called out.  
  
“I feel like my old self,” Levi said quietly, his knuckles turning white from gripping the handle too tightly.  
  
“That’s great news!” They cheered, practically jumping out of their chair. They paced back and forth, rubbing their hands together. “Maybe you only need to spend another year in here! I’ll miss you though, so you better send letters from wherever they send you.” They wouldn’t even try to lie and say that they hadn’t grown unusually fond of the murderous teen. They were too close in age for them to claim Levi was like a son, but perhaps an awkward little brother.  
  
They let out a sad sigh, wiping away a proud tear before resting their hand on Levi’s hair. Hanji expected Levi to yank his head away like every other time, and yet, he stayed perfectly still. “Levi…” Their voice trailed off, startled to see Levi looking at his own reflection still. “You can stop looking at your reflection.” Hanji ruffled his hair gently, hoping for any kind of reaction.  
  
Levi didn’t even feel their fingers entwined with his hair. All he could feel was an energy that had been completely robbed of him. He could feel it pulsing under his fingertips, spreading throughout his entire body.  
  
“Levi?” Their voice didn’t even come close to pulling him back into the present.  
  
When Levi finally blinked and shook his head, he looked back at his silver eyes. They were identical to his mother’s.  
  
She would never have wanted this from him.  
  
The mirror slipped from his hand completely, shattering on the tiled floor.  
  
God, she would probably hate him for everything that he had done.  
  
He could feel an emotion akin to regret building up in his chest. Nausea overtook him easily. The shitty food they served him lent itself well to the bile building up in his throat.  
  
If he had the chance to go back and live his life all over, he knew that he wouldn’t have changed any of his actions. Yet, here he was on the verge of feeling remorse. Not for his victim’s sake, but for his mother’s.  
  
Erwin had already called in a janitor by the time Levi actually puked on the floor. The young man’s pallor was enough to tell him what was about to happen. It was the first time since Levi arrived that Erwin was actually convinced something within Levi was changing.  
  
He would have to talk to Hanji in great depth about how they would take their next few steps. This was a critical turning point. Levi was feeling something. All they had to do now was figure out how to keep making him feel something.  
  
-  
  
Weeks of Levi’s new behavior turned into two months. He was just as withdrawn as before, but there was a different ‘vibe’ to it. He didn’t cast murderous glares anyone’s way anymore. He didn’t hide stuff in his pockets, taking anything that might have been useful in an attack or an escape attempt. He didn’t put up nearly as much of a fight as he used to when it came to therapy or behavioral testing.  
  
Hanji was pretty damn proud of her little shorty.  
  
“I feared this was a major setback, but maybe it’s for the best?” They shrugged as they watched Erwin thoroughly read through their latest batch of notes.  
  
“He’s been having strong, negative reactions to violence.” He read aloud before tenting his fingers together. “Define ‘reactions’, Hanji.”  
  
“Flinching away from a violent video, nausea at the sight of blood, and a level voice when he gets irritated.” They could have rambled on for hours about his progress, but Erwin raised a hand to cut them off. It was blatantly clear that Hanji may have been the wrong one to be working with Levi. They acted as if Levi was a member of their own damn family.  
  
“That doesn’t mean he’s not a killer anymore.” The blond rubbed his tired, weary eyes before looking through the folder some more. They knew next to nothing about how many people this kid had killed or why. How was he supposed to sleep at night knowing that he allowed for a murderer to be let loose again?  
  



	3. Chapter 3

  
As their minivan pushed through traffic, Eren could feel his heart rate quicken. He couldn’t believe this day was actually here. He could remember when he had dreamt of college as a kid. All the freedom and leisure that came with moving out of the house was finally going to be his!   
  
He could finally do what he wanted without his mother constantly hovering around him, worrying herself sick. He loved her dearly, but he knew he could never truly be himself around her. He couldn’t be ‘himself’ around anyone in his family. Sure, their support would have been nice, but there was no way his innocent mother would ever condone his bloodlust.   
  
What a shame.   
  
As they saw signs along the road pointing towards the campus, his mother reached out to shake her shoulder. Her brilliant smile told him that she was excited about his future. The tears in her eyes told him that she was going to be thinking about him every single moment he was out of her sight.   
  
The traffic on the campus was almost as bad as it was in the city. It felt like they were only moving an inch every half hour. Yet, finally, finally, they arrived in front of Eren’s dorm building. He already had his card to check-in. Classes started in a few days. All he needed to do was just go in, unpack, and settle in.   
  
There was next to no pressure on him for the next few days.  
  
“We’ll miss you, honey!” Carla cried out as she stepped out of the car to hug her baby boy. “Make sure to study hard, but most importantly, take care of yourself.” She cupped his cheek and got up on her toes to kiss his forehead. She was not a short woman at all, but her son had grown up to be a giant.   
  
“I know, ma,” Eren said softly, reassuring her.   
  
An awkward silence bloomed as Carla hoped somebody would chime in. “Grisha!” she hissed, “Say something to him.”  
  
Grisha looked up from the boxes he was pulling out of the trunk. “Get good grades.” He said, his facial expression never shifting. That is until Carla looked like she was about to smack him. “I’m just kidding.” The man let his guard down and gave a soft chuckle as he handed the boxes over to Eren. “Stay safe and be smart.”  
  
Eren let a fake smile across his face. “Thanks, dad.” That bastard had barely acknowledged him growing up, he didn’t have the right to pull a joke like that.   
  
Carla peppered his face in kisses as Eren grabbed everything from the car. He had packed quite light, at least in comparison to the other freshmen moving in. Other families around them were moving in minifridges, chairs, and sometimes the occasional bed frame. Perhaps no one gave them the memo that the school was providing cheap furniture for them.   
  
All Eren really needed was a few decorations and some memorabilia from the last couple of years. Anything past that could be purchased at the nearest convenience store.   
  
His mother had tried to over-prepare him. She had tried to pack away damn near every blanket they owned, tried to buy him countless dorm accessories, and had offered to take him to the nearest grocery store so he could stock his room full of snacks. She was a bit pushy about taking care of her baby, but she cared, and that’s what meant everything to Eren. With the boxes in his arms preventing him from hugging her, all he could do was kiss her forehead back. God, he was going to miss her.   
  
After what felt like a lifetime of goodbyes, Eren finally took steps towards his residence hall.   
  
“Just try not to get yourself kicked out.” His father called out to him as he got back into the driver’s seat. Grisha was only joking, of course, but Eren almost wondered if he knew something was up.   
  
-  
  
When Eren had requested to be in the same suite as Armin and Mikasa, he didn’t actually expect them to wind up together. Out of the four bedrooms in their little suite, only three of them were claimed. Their residence assistance reminded them that someone was probably going to move in with them at some point. Eren just hoped they either moved in soon or not at all.   
  
Eren was certain that one of the broom closets at his house was larger than his bedroom here, but he couldn’t really complain. He didn’t need too much room. So long as he had a place where he could be alone and lock the door, he was content.   
  
He finished moving in within the hour. Just a poster here and there, an old, nostalgic blanket at the end of his bed, and his laptop on the desk. He was good to go.   
  
Armin, on the other hand, had taken hours to set up all his decorations. Most of which were an odd assortment of knickknacks from various anime conventions and a few museums. Seeing a bobblehead of Albert Einstein next to a Pikachu figurine was a little bit jarring, but Armin adored it.   
  
Mikasa’s name was on her door, but she had yet to show up. She hadn’t answered any of her texts either. She was probably just stuck in traffic. It wasn’t like she really had anyone to help her move in. Perhaps he should have offered her a ride with his parents, but then she wouldn’t have her car on campus. Ugh, logistics were so annoying.   
  
In the meantime, Armin was excited to explore this new world. The moment he was happy with his room, he showed Eren the events list that had been taped to their suite’s door. “So, there are events all over campus right now. Wanna catch a movie or get…” his voice slowed as he read about an event called ‘BJ’s in your PJ’s’. Further inspection revealed that ‘BJ’s’ stood for Ben and Jerry’s. “…some ice cream?”  
  
Eren grimaced at the title. He knew that college was going to have a lot of sexual activity going on around him, but he didn’t realize it was going to be so blatant so quickly. “I think we should pass on that.” Even if it was actually ice cream, it wasn’t worth the risk of walking in on the alternative.   
  
“Agreed.” Armin nodded as he read through some of the other events. “Oh! There’s going to be a fair tomorrow!” His blue eyes lit up brighter than the sun on the ocean as he pointed to it excitedly. The paper promised carnival games and fun, non-life-threatening rides.   
  
Yeah, that sounded like fun.   
-  
  
Mikasa showed up around eleven that night. She was running on fumes and wanted nothing more than to pass out in her new room. Armin and Eren quickly helped her get all of her stuff out of her car.  
  
While Mikasa slept soundly, Eren couldn’t fall asleep. He wasn’t tired in the slightest. His mind was running a hundred thoughts a second. Most of them were thoughts of the Alley Man. The question that kept coming to the surface was ‘Where was he now?’  
  
A familiar tension grew in his lower abdomen as his thoughts grew more obsessive. What did he look like now? Was he still as flawless as he was as a teen? Was he broken and bloodied, with scars marring his porcelain skin? What did his voice sound like? What would he do to Eren if he was in the room with him?   
  
As Eren’s hard on grew more and more persistent, he gave up trying to fall asleep without attending to it. His hand quickly wrapped around his weeping tip, roughly stroking his whole shaft as his mind was clouded with the blurry memories of the teen.   
  
As Eren spilled out onto his own hand, he desperately wished he could at least moan out the other man’s name. Yet, fate had not gifted him with such knowledge.  
  
-  
  
“Eren, you there?” Armin asked, waving his hand in front of Eren’s face.   
  
Eren blinked his eyes rapidly, trying to shake off the exhaustion that clung to him like a disease. Man, if he had known that jerking off was going to knock him out almost instantly, he should have done that immediately. Even though he knew that sleepless nights were more or less the norm on college campuses, he didn’t want to develop such habits that quickly. “Yeah, it’s just kind of a lot to take in.” He said as he pulled off a piece of Armin’s cotton candy.   
  
The fair had turned out to be much better than Eren thought it would. It had been set up that day in the field between the dorm halls and the lecture halls. Despite the area being much smaller than your average carnival, Eren was quite surprised with how many attractions and booths they had managed to set up there. He could only assume that if they were visiting it during the day that it would look much worse. Darkness was quite skilled in hiding small, but overwhelming faults. If he looked hard enough, he could still see the various stains, tears, and rusted spots where the light had retreated. How convenient.   
  
After about two hours or so, the three of them were starting to feel like they had their fill of amusement. Mikasa had won every prize that she wanted. Armin had been to the petting zoo and had gotten a churro and cotton candy. Eren had been tempted to ride some of the rickety machines that they had the nerve to call ‘rides’, but quickly decided against it when he saw how much duct tape was keeping them together.   
  
It was a shitty fair, but it was much less shitty than they had expected.   
  
“It’s all so different!” Armin squealed as they walked around the outskirts of the fair. “There’s so much freedom to do what you want! But knowing that you must tend to your responsibilities at the same time is so weird. No wonder so many students feel disoriented and hopeless arriving here.”  
  
Mikasa’s reply was muffled as she tried to talk with her arm full of poorly made stuffed animals. Eren couldn’t help but chuckle and push some of them away from her face. “What did you say?”  
  
“I said…” Mikasa was starting to regret having such an uncanny gift for carnival games. “… this is the first time we’re actually living in the adult world.”  
  
“Mikasa, you’re carrying, like, thirty-two plushies.” Armin pointed out.   
  
She only raised a brow in response. “I’m donating these to charity, after tonight. That’s pretty damn mature of me.”  
  
As the two went back and forth, Eren’s eyes swept over the carnival. It was fun, but it wasn’t what he needed to keep himself entertained. His fantasies from last night were still plaguing him, violent urges lingering within his fingertips.   
  
Thoughts alone weren’t enough to satiate what he was looking for anymore. He needed something else, something more. Eren knew exactly what he needed to do, but god, maybe this was a mistake. If he was going to do anything, he needed to distance himself from Armin and Mikasa. They didn’t need to see how he really was, they wouldn’t understand.   
  
As if they heard his thoughts, Armin spoke up. “Mikasa and I are heading back to the dorm. Are you coming with?”   
  
God, it was as if the universe was begging for him to satisfy himself. “I think I’ll stay for a little bit, actually,” Eren said, quickly trying to come up with an excuse. “I just wanna take a walk and think about some stuff.” Good, definitely not suspicious at all.  
  
Yet, the two didn’t seem put off in the slightest. “Well, if you ever need to talk, you know where to find us.” Mikasa reminded him, the plushies threatening to come tumbling out of her arms in just a few seconds.   
  
“I know,” Eren said quietly, his heart yearning to reach out to them. He knew damn well they wouldn’t understand though.   
  
His feet carried him towards the quieter areas of the carnival. Even with hundreds of people just a few yards from him, he felt as if he was finally alone for the first time in a while. He wandered through the gaps between the tents, his mind reeling at how much it felt like he was walking through an alley. He could almost imagine the man of his dreams, his nightmares, running through these same spaces.   
  
Eren could feel that familiar feeling coursing through his veins. He was suddenly aware of how heavy his knife felt in his pocket. It was calling out to him. Who was he to deny it? As his hand gripped the blade’s handle, he found that the weight was comfortable against his fingers. It felt like it was meant to be there.   
  
Eren didn’t pull the knife out, but he kept it clenched tight in his hand as he continued walking. All he needed now was for some poor bastard to come into his line of sight.   
  
He heard his victim before he saw her. Her soft whimpering was nearly inaudible when it was mixed with the loud music and chatter of the makeshift fairgrounds. His feet carried him closer and closer, trying to hear if anyone was trying to console her.   
  
When Eren eventually found her sitting behind one of the game tents, he was absolutely delighted. She was completely isolated. No one would hear her screams and think any the wiser. They were at a carnival, people were always screaming. She would sound no different.   
  
If he was going to make a move, now was the time.   
  
He was going to finally be like his precious Alley Man.  
  
As Eren got closer and closer, the girl finally looked up, tears blurring her vision. Fear crept onto her face before taken over by general frustration. She was more startled than terrified, at least, for now.   
  
She rose to her feet, glaring up at the silhouette in the moonlight. “Listen, I don’t know who the fuck you think you are but stay away from me.” She took a shaky step back. Her eyes reflected fear as Eren didn’t hesitate to close the space between them.   
  
He briefly considered throwing a one-liner at her. Nothing clever came to mind. It would have ruined the moment anyway.   
  
Eren finally pulled the knife out of his pocket. It glinted in the moonlight, eager and ever ready. His fingers molded to the hilt as if it was made to be in his hand.   
  
The poor girl didn’t even get a chance to run as Eren lunged forward. He could have taken his time and really drawn this out, but he wasn’t interested in getting caught on his first time. All he wanted was her blood on his hands.   
  
The blade ripped through her throat without any hindrance. Eren silently thanked himself for remembering to sharpen it. It wouldn’t have been nearly as satisfying if it had been dull.  
  
Her legs crumpled the moment Eren pulled back, allowing her body to fall to the grass beneath them. Eren looked down at his own chest, taking in the sight of his own clothes soaked in her blood. The neck was always a favorite amongst killers. Just one blow could finish your victim while still satiating the need for blood. A horrific gurgling noise filled the air as she struggled to breathe. Death came for her quickly.   
  
All things considered, it was a fairly painless way to go. He had been quite fair in his own mind, going as far as to think the girl should be grateful.   
  
As much as he wanted to return to his room and let his mind run wild with fantasies, he still needed to clean up the scene as much as he could. At the very least, he had to dispose of the body. Sure, the blood staining the grass was a dead giveaway, but Eren knew that most investigations wouldn’t begin until they found a corpse. Cops and detectives were so delightfully stupid that way. Even if all the signs were there, many would wait till the most obvious one before doing anything.   
  
Lifting her body, Eren knew exactly where to put her.   
  
-  
  
Armin was practically buzzing with anticipation. “Are you ready for our first day of class?” Eren could almost swear that he was more excited for college than he was when they went to the beach for the first time.   
  
Eren pulled out his phone to check the time once more. “As ready as I’ll ever be.” They were going to be absurdly early, but Armin protested it was necessary for a class as large as this.   
  
Armin kept going on about how they absolutely had to sit in the front row. He rambled on and on about how studies have shown they would get better grades that way. Eren argued that Armin could be listening to the lecture in the back row with a blindfold and headphones and he would still be at the top of the class.   
  
Their introduction to Psychology class was a requirement for many of the majors on campus, so it was no surprise that the class was overpacked with freshmen, Armin and Eren being no exception.   
  
Mikasa had almost signed up to take the exact same class but decided later that she’d rather take it as a summer course. Eren certainly didn’t blame her. While psychology was more important for Armin and Eren’s majors, it really had nothing to do with hers. Criminology required insight into why people become violent deviants. Armin’s future in writing and research needed him to understand the facets of the human existence. Mikasa was a music major.   
  
In high school, their class schedules had barely differed. But now, it was starting to look like they were only going to share a class with each other once every few semesters. It was a large change, but Eren was ready to welcome it. He certainly didn’t mind being by himself in class. It was only then that he felt comfortable enough to let his thoughts truly run wild.   
  
Eren could only assume that the classes this week were going to be far too timid. The first class would be an introduction, then a review of the syllabus, then some background information on the courses. Ugh, what a waste of time.   
  
Yet, even as he entered the lecture hall, anxiety built up in his chest. It lingered there, as he wondered if anyone had noticed a student was missing on campus. He had been so stealthy, but now that he was going to be in a room will nearly four hundred other students, he couldn’t help but feel as if all eyes were on him.  
  
-  
  
The last time Levi had been in a car was when he had been hauled off to the institution nearly ten years ago. Being in the back of Hanji’s minivan didn’t have the same stress behind it, but his mind replayed that night over and over again. As a familiar rage built up in his heart, the nausea was close to follow. That, or, he was just car sick. Maybe staring at his lap the entire ride wasn’t the best idea.  
  
Hanji’s chattering droned on and on, and even though Levi had been initially interested in what they had to say, his attention waned sharply as his stomach churned. He could still pick out words here and there, but for the most part, he felt like he was in his own little world in the back of the car.   
  
When they finally came to a stop, Levi felt more than relieved. His mind finally had a chance to catch up to his body as he looked out the window to see the University campus in front of them. Holy shit, he was actually there. He was actually going to college. He knew he was smart enough to be there, but even as a child he knew that college wasn’t meant for people like him.  
  
Even though they were about to unleash him onto campus, he was still required to remain in the vehicle until Hanji let them out. They knew damn well Levi wasn’t going to run, but rules were rules. Their mouth hadn’t stopped running at all during the hour-long drive. If Levi wasn’t feeling so unwell, he would have admitted that it was pretty impressive.   
  
As soon as his foot touched the solid earth beneath them, he started to feel a little bit better. He just needed to have a seat somewhere he wasn’t constantly moving. He knew he wouldn’t be able to do that until he got to class, but it was still something to look forward too.   
  
As his stomach finally settled a bit, he finally started listening to the Doctor.   
  
“Levi, just a few reminders,” they said softly, “you have to sign in with security every time you visit and leave the campus. The only other place you are allowed to go is to your apartment.”   
  
Ah yes, his apartment. He had almost forgotten about that aspect of the deal. It was bugged from floor to ceiling of course, with small cameras placed in every room. Levi wouldn’t be able to take a shit in peace without being monitored. That was just the price of his ‘freedom’.   
  
Checking in with security was going to be annoying too. Erwin had already lectured four times over what would happen if Levi forgot to check in so much as once. Their fears were warranted, but Levi had to wonder why they would even release him if they trusted him so little.   
  
“Chin up, Levi. Those rules are only set in place for the first semester. If everything goes well, then maybe I can talk to Erwin about letting your leash a little bit looser, ya know?” At least Hanji could seem to read his mind these days. It was as if they had given up on his verbal cues and had been working on some sort of telepathic therapy. “Oh! And someone will be picking you up each week for your appointment with Petra! It should usually be me, but if there’s a scheduling issue it might be Erwin.”  
  
Levi had nearly forgotten about that. That rule wasn’t nearly as irritating as the others, especially since it was residual from his schedule at the institution, but he could still find a way to bitch about it somehow.   
  
But if Hanji was reading his mind, they seemed to ignore the surge of negativity. Instead, they pulled him into a sudden and tight hug. It was nearly as restrictive as the straight jacket he used to wear, but he would be lying if he said the warmth of it wasn’t welcome. That tender feeling slipped away as soon as he got a whiff of Hanji’s hair. There was no way they had showered within the last month. Fucking repulsive.   
  
Even as Levi tried to push them off, Hanji chose to continue speaking. “Most importantly, study hard! You’ve been given a second chance!” They pulled away just enough to ruffle Levi’s hair. “I know you’re going to do incredible things. Make me proud!”  
  
As they walked up to the security station just inside of the campus fence, Levi felt something odd in his chest. Hanji’s words repeated in his mind viciously. No one had ever expected a damn thing from him, let alone something good. Maybe Hanji was the lunatic between the two of them. Maybe they were the one who needed to be locked away.  
  
Maybe, just maybe, Levi did want to make them proud.   
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

Homework was tedious but easy. Eren’s favorite classes were the ones that posted all the homework on the first day. It only took him a week to work through an entire semester of worksheets and essays but having his free time for the rest of the semester was more important to him. Armin had warned him that getting too ahead now may spell trouble for him when he started to forget it all, but Eren did his best to reassure him.

He wasn’t the type of person to forget something easily.

But now, Eren couldn’t help but feel a little bored. His usual distractions weren’t working in the slightest. He could feel familiar urges rising to the front of his mind as he looked through the weekly events list. Too many of them were riddled with innuendos, making Eren feel a little bit uncomfortable as he read through the list. Who the fuck was being paid to come up with these names?

His eyes kept coming back to the largest event of the week. The stupid fucking football game. He didn’t care too much about sports. The violence that lay behind them wasn’t nearly as entertaining as it should have been. Sure, people broke their legs and got concussed, but it was missing the violent flair that he had been searching for.

He shouldn’t go. There would be way too many people there. The odds of getting caught would be much higher. And yet, the idea of being stealthy out of necessity rather than desire made Eren feel… different.

He had already made up his mind.

The best part was that Eren knew none of his friends would want to join him. Armin would probably get a black eye from just  _watching_ such an aggressive sport. And Mikasa… well, she might actually come with him, but it was still unlikely.

As Eren stepped out into the den area that connected their bedrooms, he was delighted to see that they were sitting together watching some new anime. “I’m going to see the game,” he interrupted, “anyone wanna come with?”

“Eren.” Armin looked up at him, his brows furrowed as he tried to see if Eren was just fucking around. “Are you for real?”

Eren smiled as he realized that perhaps this did seem a little bit out of character for him. “There’s free popcorn!” He vaguely remembered seeing something mention free snacks, but he doubted that the school would splurge enough to give hundreds of students one of the messiest foods in existence.

“Almost convincing,” Armin replied, turning his attention back to the small TV, “but no.”

Eren was absolutely delighted to hear that. “Mikasa?”

Her eyes didn’t move from the television as a magical girl transformation began. “Call me when there’s a hockey game,” she said simply.

A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “Fair enough.” He attempted to sound upset, but the thought of being able to spend the night alone was driving him crazy.

As he turned to leave the dorm, Mikasa actually looked up from the anime that Armin was ‘forcing’ her to watch. “Oh, and Eren.”

“Be safe?” Eren finished her sentence.

“Be safe.”

-

Eren knew this school was big, but he still wasn’t expecting the stadium to be this large. It was almost disorienting as he looked at the sea of his fellow students surrounding him. This wasn’t even the entire school.

The bright lights that surrounded the field were impossibly bright, cutting through the twilight that would soon turn to a cold, dark night. As much as Eren wanted to do something or anything, there was no way he would be able to get away with it here. But soon enough, he promised himself, every single person here would fear his deeds.

Either he had arrived well before he planned to, or the game was running late. He was starting to regret coming here. A harsh screech of feedback cut through his pity party as a man’s voice came over the speakers. “Before we start the game, can we have a moment of silence for Eve McRae.” Eren never learned her name, but he knew in his heart exactly who they were talking about. “If you know anything about her whereabouts, please contact the campus police immediately.”

Even if Eren did come forth, there was still no way they would find her rotting corpse. The dumpsters around the fair had been overstuffed by the time he forced her body underneath a few garbage bags. By morning, the entire fair had been cleaned up, the dumpsters completely empty. Who knew which landfill the parts of her body were in now.

“I used to go to high school with her.” Eren heard a voice behind him say.

A sharp gasp sounded off just next to his ear. “Really? Oh my god.”

“Yeah, she really didn’t want to come here but the school gave her a damn near full ride.” The other man continued on, unwittingly providing the murder with some unneeded information.

“Do you think she killed herself over it?” She fake whispered, feeling absolutely hooked on her date’s story.

“Probably.” The other man said lamely before taking a loud sip of his soda.

“That’s fucked up.” She said without a hint of empathy in her voice. It was so damn clear that to her this was just some gossip.

-

This game was fucking boring. Half of the players didn’t know what they were doing. Even as the stadium kept erupting in cheering and hollering, Eren felt decidedly annoyed as he looked around. While everyone else was either standing or on the edge of their seats, Eren was sitting back in his uncomfortable chair. No one called him out for his lack of school spirit, but he could still tell he was giving off a weird vibe around him.

Eren glanced down at the rows across the field. Everyone over there seemed so happy to be there. As a particularly tall student moved out of the way, Eren’s gaze was drawn to another student who didn’t seem all that impressed by the display before them.

Even though he was yards away, his face looked so familiar. Those flawless dark bangs, that scowl on his face, Eren couldn’t believe it. It had to be him, it just  _had_ to be.

“ _Alley man,”_ Eren whispered. In the chaos surrounding him, no one else heard him.

Yet, it was almost as if his precious fantasy had. Only a few moments later, the surprisingly short man was pushing his way through the other students to get to one of the sets of stairs lining the stadium. Oh fuck, he was leaving, wasn’t he?

No, no, Eren couldn’t just let him leave. Not after seeing him again after so long. It had been nearly a decade and a half since he had seen him.

Eren didn’t hesitate to shove his way through the other students around him. “Get out of my way!” He hissed, swiping his arms this way and that. It was fairly effective, but Eren still struggled to get through.

“Watch it!” Someone yelled as his elbow collided with their chest. “The fuck, bro?” Another person called out as he accidentally knocked their drink over.

Who the fuck cared about that.

Once Eren managed to get to the stairs, he sprinted down them as quick as he could. Unless his little murderer was sneaking out the back, Eren would be able to intercept him at the main entrance. He had no clue what he was going to do once he caught up to him, but that wasn’t something for Eren to figure out right now. He just needed to get there before he was gone.

By the time Eren got to the ground level, his legs were feeling that familiar twinge of pain that came with sudden running. He whipped his head back and forth, looking for the other man. Eren had assumed that he was going to make it to the entrance first, but he saw the other man’s silhouette walking out into the night.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. His legs were obviously shorter, so how did he manage to get there so quickly? Eren huffed as he picked up the pace again, his heart beating wildly at the thought of losing him again.

What was he going to do? Should he sneak up on him and tell him everything? Should he just stalk him from afar and pray to God that he’ll be able to witness another murder? Yet, Eren was dismayed that the man walked back into a lit area and was heading towards a security checkpoint. 

Eren crept closer, trying to hear or see anything new about his alley man. The other man didn’t speak a word as he handed something over and signed a clipboard.

“Have a good night, kid.” He could just barely hear the guard say as the man walked away into the night.

Eren felt his shoulders sag. As quickly as he had come back into his life, he was already gone. “Dammit!” He hissed under his breath.

The security guard looked up, peering into the darkness. His hair was practically covering his eyes, but his nose was twitching. It was as if he could smell Eren there. He could see him quickly reaching for the flashlight on his vest.

Even though it wasn’t illegal for Eren to be standing there, he got the urge to get out of eyesight. He kept walking down the sidewalk, barely making far enough to not be caught in the light.

Ugh, even narrowly avoiding the authorities wasn’t lifting his spirits. Maybe he should just say ‘fuck it’ and run after the other man. Surely that was a brilliant idea, right? He shook his head. His love clearly either worked here or studied here. He would be able to catch him again if he was just patient.

Eren’s fingers twitched as he considered all the possibilities that could unfold before him. He could imagine watching the murder up close, studying his own techniques, learning if he had his own calling card. Maybe he would let Eren help choose their victims. Maybe he would even let Eren explore his blood-splattered body and mark it up.

Eren could feel a familiar tightness in his pants as his imagination run wild once more. He needed to do something quick, or else he was going to lose it.

Fortune seemed to smile upon him as he heard glass shattering not too far from him. Eren’s head snapped in the direction of the sound, seeing a blatantly drunk man stumbling around. If Eren was to judge him from his poorly matching neon clothes and his backward hat, he had probably just come from a frat party.

“You’ll have to do.” Eren sighed as he stepped closer. He reached into his pocket, forgetting that he had left his knife back at the dorm. Son of a bitch.

Guess he was going to have to do this the old-fashioned way.

“Do what?” The man’s words were slurred as Eren quickly cornered him.

-

Eren woke up to the sound of his alarm clock shrieking hysterically. He had been tempted to change the tone to something more soothing, but he knew that he would just end up sleeping through them. Eren lazily slapped his nightstand to get the racket to stop.

He slowly sat up in bed, his eyes heavy and begging to be rubbed. Surprisingly enough, they were the  _only_ part of his body that wanted to be rubbed. Eren was shocked to find that he actually wasn’t aroused despite his discovery last night.

The other man brought a smile to his face. He could barely see him that night, but it was enough to leave Eren fantasizing what he would look like in a fully lit room. He had looked so small from afar. Would Eren tower over him? Hell, would he be intimidated by Eren’s height?

Eren chuckled to himself at the thought of making a cold-blooded murder uncomfortable. He quickly threw on some clothes and ran a comb through his hair. He didn’t understand how some people needed an hour to get ready in the morning. All he had to do was roll out of bed and look somewhat presentable.

He reached for the doorknob before something shiny caught his eye. He looked over to see his knife laying innocently on his desk. Eren quickly grabbed it and stuffed it in his pocket. He wasn’t going to forget it this time. As he stepped out of his room, Armin let out a sharp gasp. “Oh, thank god. Mikasa and I were worried.”

Eren paused in the doorway, his brows furrowing. “About what?”

“Eren, did you hear about what happened?” Armin put his coffee mug down as he stood up from the sofa.

“…no?” Eren’s voice trailed off as he tried to think if he did anything wrong.

“There was some drunk fight on campus!” Armin exclaimed. “Someone even died! Mikasa and I had assumed you had gotten involved.”

Eren’s mouth hung agape for a few moments before words finally fell into place. “Personally, I am quite offended that you would assume th-“

“Eren, you got 16 detentions in 4 years of high school for fights alone.”

“Most of those were with Jean.” Eren pointed out, slinging his backpack over his shoulder.

“That’s not… entirely relevant. Just…” His voice trailed off as he looked at Eren. “Be careful okay? This campus is a lot more dangerous than I thought.”

“Trust me, Armin. I’ll be fine. I still carry my boy scout knife with me everywhere.”

He wasn’t convinced in the slightest. “Yeah, but you don’t know how to use it.”

Eren put his hand on his shoulder, not bothering to correct him. The less he knew the better. “I’ll be fine.”

Armin locked eyes with him for a moment before brushing his hand off and shaking his head. “What you’re going to be is late if you don’t hurry up.”

Eren was about to hurry out the door but stopped when Armin started to walk back to the sofa. “Wait, but what about you?”

“We don’t have classes at the same time today.” He reached for his coffee mug, allowing himself to slowly wake up for the day.

“Oh, yeah. College is weird like that.” Eren nodded. It was still weird getting used to how different everything was here. As he looked back down at his watch he realized that he only left himself five minutes to get to class. “Shit, you’re right!”

He could swear that he heard Armin laughing behind him as he ran out of the dorm.

-

Classes were either completely boring and draining or impossible to keep up with. There was no in-between. It certainly didn’t help that he only had thirty minutes between some of his classes. Why the fuck had he signed up for classes this close together. He was never going to do that again.

There wasn’t enough time to make it back to the dorm. He might as well just head to the library and take a quick break. Maybe he could brush up on the material for five minutes, or… he could dick around on the internet and forget all about his responsibilities.

Yeah, Eren already knew which of those two options had already won.

As Eren stepped into the old library, the smell of coffee greeted him. He had completely forgotten that there was a small little café nestled in the entrance. It made sense, of course, the students that were pulling all-nighters practically worshipped the dark liquid. Yet, Eren wondered how often the librarians found coffee stains on their priceless collection of books.

Eren kept walking, trying to find a place to simply rest. It seemed like every single seat on that floor had been taken. He knew the student body was large, but he didn’t realize just how cramped that would make everything feel. It took five minutes for Eren to finally find a mostly unoccupied area of the library. While five minutes wasn’t really too long, it still took up a nice chunk of his break.

Eren was about to just let his body fall onto the soft chair in front of him when he noticed movement in the corner of his eye. He quickly glanced up, assuming it was nothing, only to see that it was his  _everything_ .

There he was. Less than twelve hours later.

Eren’s tongue got caught in his throat as he looked at the man in awe. His eyes followed him as he sat down at a nearby desk, placing books and papers all around him.

He looked even better in the light.

He was definitely as short as Eren had thought he was, but he was in no way  _small_ . His clothes clung to his body as if they were drenched, allowing Eren to see just how fit he was. Eren couldn’t stop himself from biting his lip and imagining what it would look like to have the man straddling him with those powerful thighs.

He was getting hard in the middle of the library, perhaps that’s not the best idea.

Eren quickly tried to focus on the man’s face, his eyes tracing the perfect curves of his face. His sharp jaw and the little turn of his nose. His bangs were hanging down just enough that he couldn’t see his eyes, which as Eren remembered, were his best feature.

He needed to get closer, but his heart was beating wildly. He just needed to go for it. At least if he met him here, he wouldn’t have to worry about stalking him or startling him in the dark.

Eren steeled his nerves or at least attempted to, as he took a few strides forward. The other man didn’t look up from his book as Eren stood next to him, awkwardly waiting for a response of some kind. “Hi!” Eren smiled. When the other student didn’t even respond, his nerves felt fried. “I’m uh-“

“You’re blocking my light.” He said quietly. His voice was sharp and smooth, cutting right to Eren’s heart, much like a silver dagger.

“Oh, uh, sorry.” Eren stammered, taking a step back. “I’m Eren! Eren Yeager.”

The other man’s brows furrowed as he raised his eyes to meet Eren’s. “Alright.”

Eren could feel his face heating up. “Uh… so what’s your name?”

The man was quiet as he looked Eren up and down. It certainly didn’t seem like he was checking him out, it almost felt like he was looking for Eren’s true intentions. Eventually, he lowered his eyes back to his book. “Levi.” He said softly, Eren nearly missed it.

“ _Levi_ ,” Eren repeated, savoring how it rolled off his tongue perfectly. It was short but graceful, much like the man himself. At least now Eren knew who’s name to whimper at night.

“Yeah, that’s it.” Levi nodded. “You can stop being creepy about it now.”

Eren’s eyes widened, he could practically feel Levi trying to push him away. He knew he could just leave and be satisfied with just his first name, but if he was going to learn more, he was going to need more than that. “Oh… I was kinda hoping for you to tell me your last name too.”

Levi’s scowl deepened as he turned the page of his book. “Ackerman.”

“Sorry, I just uh…” Eren stammered, realizing that he wasn’t exactly making the best impression on him. “What’s your major?” He asked, hoping to turn this conversation back into a casual one.

“I don’t have one.” He said, closing the book sharply before putting it back into his backpack.

Eren laughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck. “Oh, you’re undecided? I’m sure you’ll figure it out in time.”

“I have class.” He said as he slipped his arm through the strap of his backpack and started to walk off. Eren was tempted to grab his shoulder and keep him there, but he let him go. He had given Eren enough information to work with anyways.

“O-okay! I’ll talk to you later.” He called after him. His heart refused to calm down as he watched Levi walk away. His eyes lingered on his ass. This man was fucking divine in every sense of the word. Eren bit his lip as he could feel a familiar rush of adrenaline. “ _Levi._ ”

-

Levi let out a heavy sigh as he waited impatiently on the sidewalk. People passed him without a second thought as he started to tap his foot. They carried on their obnoxious conversations. Their words should have been fleeting, yet they continued to ring loudly in Levi’s ears.

Levi closed his eyes, trying to cut off as many sensations as he could. Why the actual fuck did they have to send him to one of the most densely populated cities in the country? His ears felt like they were constantly ringing. It was all just too much noise. Hell, even the library was too loud half the time.

Levi flicked his eyes open, scanning the busy street for any sign of an atrocious yellow truck. Hanji should be here by now, or at least Levi thought they should be. The last time he checked the time was in the library. It took him approximately five minutes to get here, maybe a little bit more. Either way, this was supposed to be their scheduled time for pick up.

It was starting to get really irritating to not have a reliable way to track time. So many other students would pull out their phones without a second thought to check the time, but Levi wasn’t lucky like those bastards. It was too ‘dangerous’ for him to have unfiltered contacts.

He had already checked the campus book store to see if they sold watches, but the closest thing they had were stopwatches. Unless he wanted to buy one to get the relative time of things, he was just going to have to suffer.

Maybe he could ask if Hanji would be kind enough to buy him a watch.

Levi let his eyes slip shut again. The noise was starting to get to him again. At least if he closed his eyes, the constantly shifting sights around him couldn’t bother him too much. He didn’t used to be like this, why was he so damn sensitive to everything around him these days? Was it just him getting older? Or maybe this was all just too much after ten years locked up in a cell.

Maybe he could just breathe slowly, as Petra suggested. Levi took in another slow breath- A loud fucking car horn startled the shit out of him. -he let out the breath with a sigh.

Yeah, no, that wasn’t going to work.

Levi opened his eyes once more, his exhaustion fighting with him, trying desperately to keep them shut. Levi’s mind prevailed over his own body, leaving him looking directly at Hanji’s beat-up car. Their hand hovered over the steering wheel, threatening to blast the horn again. Their manic grin suggested that this was merely their way of greeting him.

Levi’s shoulders fell as he opened up one of the rear doors of the car. He slid in quickly, despite knowing that traffic was going to keep them at bay for quite some time. He didn’t even get a chance to buckle up before the doctor was squealing.

“How was your first day at school?” They turned their body around in their seat to properly face him.

“You should be facing the road,” Levi said.

“Oh please, Levi, we’re in the middle of rush hour. We’ll be moving at a snail’s pace for the next hour or so! That gives us so much time to talk!” They grinned wildly. “So, spill it, shorty! How were your classes? Do you like your apartment? Have you made any friends? Do you like your professors? Have you been to the library? What’s the food like on campus? Do you have a lot of homework? Do you think you’re being graded fairly there? Have you gotten used to the campus layout? Can you-“

Levi let his eyes slip shut again. In a way, their constant questions acted much like a white noise, diluting the sounds of the city around them. Strangely enough, Levi found that he could almost fall asleep as Hanji continued their interrogation.

Almost.

-

Levi felt like shit. He could feel saliva dried on his face. His neck felt stiff and his spine was crying out. His eyes simply refused to open.

“Levi, wake up.” A voice softly cut through his disoriented thoughts. It wasn’t Hanji. He knew that for sure. The voice repeated itself, but Levi was fairly sure the voice belonged to a woman. He wracked his head, trying to think who the hell it could be.

The voice was soft, a little concerned, but mostly patient. He could feel a hand coming to gently shake his shoulder. It helped him to shake off the exhaustion that was holding on to him so tightly. In his deluded state, he half expected to open his eyes and see his mother looking back at him.

Of course, it was only Dr. Petra.

Levi let out a grumble but pushed himself into a sitting position anyways. All his joints decided they had an issue with that and decided to complain loudly. Too bad for them, Levi didn’t give a fuck.

“Hanji told me that you slept almost the entire way here. Have you been struggling to sleep at your apartment?” She removed her hand from his shoulder but still kept it close to him, offering to help him out of the car.

Levi blinked slowly, letting everything set in. Once he blinked enough, the smeared lights around them returned to their normal state, allowing Levi to recognize the parking lot he was in. How long had be been out cold for? It was probably for the best anyways. “It’s too damn loud. There are too many people with too many cars honking too many horns at all hours of the day. What do they even think it’s going to accomplish? Making noise never actually fixes the issue,” Levi rambled a bit as he forced his way out of the car. He did not take Petra’s hand, choosing to let her awkwardly retract it.

“Yeah, I’m sure the big city must feel like a whole nother planet to you,” she chuckled softly, closing the door behind him.

“Where’s Hanji?” Levi stifled a yawn. He glanced around, starting to realize why it was so quiet there.

“They’re in the waiting room.” Petra pulled Hanji’s keys out of her pocket, quickly locking the car with the push of a button. “They said I could just come out and wake you up. I think they’re flirting with my secretary right now,” she whispered.

Levi would most certainly believe her. Hanji did have a bizarre fixation on Mr. Burner at the front desk. Levi just always assumed they were going to experiment on him though.

Maybe flirting  _was_ the experiment.

As they made their way to the building, Levi quickly regained his alertness. His clouded state had muffled a lot of the noise around them, but the therapy branch was still located pretty close to the center of the metropolitan area. Levi just wanted to get in quickly before the noise started to build on itself.

Levi refused to make eye contact with anyone else sitting in the room as they passed by the front desk. He tried desperately to ignore the words tumbling from Hanji’s mouth as she spoke to the secretary. Mr. Berner put up with them too much, Levi could only wonder what he was getting out of it. Hanji didn’t even notice her patient walk by until Petra silently put their car keys on the desk next to them.

“You slept the whole ride here! I wanted to talk to you about school!” They whined, quickly pocketing their keys before they forgot.

Levi just kept following his therapist, ignoring Hanji demanding to talk about it during the ride back.

Petra wasn’t the only therapist that rented out space in the building, but she walked through the hallways with a confidence that could easily convince people that she owned the place. Levi couldn’t put his finger on what exactly it was about her that seemed so sure of herself. Perhaps it was her stride, how she held her head high, how she talked to clients with ease.

Petra’s office was nestled in the middle of the first floor. In theory, that would mean that her room was safe from the sounds of traffic and the hordes of people outside. Yet, the noises always seemed to seep into the building like winter’s chill seeps into bones. At least she had invested in a few white noise machines over the years.

Her office was one of the only places that Levi actually felt like a person again. She had a small electric kettle, perfect for quickly whipping up tea. All the furniture in the room looked like it had been pulled straight from a grandmother’s living room. If it wasn’t frilly and soft, it was covered in a doily or flowers. It was a bit much, but Levi had to admit, he kind of liked the look.

He had never given much of a thought to interior design. He had always been too busy fighting to survive, whether he was on the streets or in the institution. Yet, with the freedom he had been given lately, he found himself wondering more and more about such trivial things.

A home never seemed to be a genuine possibility for him, but now, it was a reality. Maybe he could even get a real job on campus and save up to afford some cheap furniture. He could try to make his apartment into a place that he was living in, not just staying in.

As he took his seat in the recliner, Levi felt his body relax. He was starting to believe that this room was actually blessed by some supernatural force. He hadn’t been able to think so clearly in days.

“So, how’s the campus?” Petra asked quietly, starting to prepare a cup of tea. She always asked easy questions at the start of a session. It was the easiest way to gauge her client’s state of mind. She half expected Levi to be difficult today considering the fact that he just woke up, but he genuinely seemed to be faring well. It was a relief.

“Loud,” Levi said simply. “There are too many people.”

Petra nodded and took a seat across from him. “It is a very big campus. Maybe you’ll get more accustomed to it as the semester goes on.” It wasn’t the best thing for her to say, but she knew that Levi’s sensitivity to noise wasn’t a physical condition. She had yet to fully crack into his deeper subconscious, but she was willing to leave it alone for now. “How about your classes?”

“I don’t like any of them. They’re all pretty damn basic shit. I remember most of this crap from high school anyways.” He didn’t feel the need to specify how little of high school he actually made it through. They were both well aware that Levi never graduated. How the institution managed to get him into college without a high school diploma was a mystery.

“So, it was more of the material, rather than the other students annoying you?” She asked, picking up her little notebook, quickly scribbling down some notes.

Levi shook his head. “No, they’re annoying too.”

Petra paused for a moment, her pen hovering before she kept writing. “That’s a shame, Levi, I was hoping that you might be able to make some friends on campus. Did you ever go the game, as I suggested?”

Levi let out a scoff. Most people would assume that was a negative reaction, but it was still better than no reaction in her book. “It was so fucking loud there. I didn’t give two shits about the game. It was a waste of my time.”

She nodded, it had been quite a stretch to recommend that for him, but sometimes people just needed to be forced out well out of their comfort zone. “Is there anyone on campus that’s attempted to be your friend?”

His brows furrowed as he reflected on the previous week. “I think so,” Levi said, “I’m not sure.”

“You’re not sure?”

“There was….” Levi trailed off, trying to figure out how to describe the bastard. “Someone approached me in the library and kept asking me questions.”

“What kind of questions?” Petra asked. There was a huge difference between someone asking Levi for directions and someone asking about him personally. She hoped Levi knew the difference.

“He kept asking about my name and my major. I think he was one of those ‘welcoming brigade’ shitheads.” Levi’s grimace was barely noticeable, but she had known him long enough to see it immediately.

“So, what if he was?”

Levi’s brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“So, what if he was being paid to be friendly to students? You could still try to befriend him.” Her words were a tad bit harsher than they usually were, but maybe, just maybe this is what Levi needed to get a leg up in the social world.

“Then that means that he wasn’t talking to me because he wanted to.”

“Does that bother you, Levi?” She asked softly, her pen waiting to scribble down his response.

He grew quiet, looking up at the ceiling. He struggled to determine what actually bothered him these days. His emotions were a vague mess of displeasure. “I don’t know.”

“Did you want him to want to talk to you?”

“I don’t know.”

Petra looked at her client. She could see the bags weighing his eyes down. She could see his normally perfect hair look disheveled and unkempt. Levi was out of his element. He was in a whole new world. Maybe she shouldn’t press as much as she wants to right now.

“For the next week, I want you to try and figure out what you do want, to the best of your abilities. What do you want to study? Do you want people to talk to you? Do you want people to want to talk to you?” There was no way he was going to find all the answers in just a mere week, but she knew that at least giving him a task was better than just sending him out emptyhanded.

Levi was normally quick to jump up and leave as soon as Petra insinuated that she was finished. Yet, he lingered. It was awfully nice in her office. It really wouldn’t be that hard to let his eyes slip back shut.

“Levi.” Her voice cut through the exhaustion that was rapidly sinking in.

He pulled his eyes wide open once more, just barely stifling his grumbling. “Alright, alright, I’m going.”

Petra considered correcting him. She wanted to let him know that she wasn’t kicking him out, rather she just wanted to make sure he was okay. She held her tongue.

Levi pulled himself out of the chair, his joints protesting the entire time. He opened the door and stepped out without looking back at her. That was usual for him, but she couldn’t wait for the day when he’d actually look back and say goodbye. It was always the small things that let her know her clients were improving.

Levi knew these hallways quite well. He didn’t have any issue getting back to the main waiting room. Sure, he was supposed to be accompanied at all times while he was in there, but it had been ten years by now. This was essentially his second home. The other staff there didn’t seem to mind him in the slightest. No one stopped him on his way.

He was still unsure how much time had passed since their session had begun, but the fact that Hanji was still ‘flirting’ with Moblit let him know that it was a short appointment. That, or, Hanji was fucking insane and had been flirting with the poor man for hours. Either was possible at this point.

As soon as Moblit saw him approach, he quickly pointed it out to Hanji. As if he was trying to get them to leave as soon as possible. He most certainly didn’t envy the other man at all. After all, Hanji was threatening to talk his own ear off for the next hour in the car.

Eventually, Hanji did pull away from the desk to follow Levi out of the building. They kept looking back to throw out more frightening attempts at flirting as they walked. It disgusted Levi, but at least Hanji wasn’t hammering him with questions right now.

As soon as the front doors closed behind them, Hanji was on him in an instant. Their endless list of questions poured out of their mouth without hesitation. Levi could already feel a headache coming on.

Petra’s words cut through his irritation. Levi’s eyes snapped open as he wondered if Hanji actually wanted to talk to him. Sure, he was their patient, but half of their questions and comments had nothing to do with his mental stability.

He was uncertain where that left him.

The ride back was much faster. Most of the traffic had dispersed throughout the few hours they were out. Hani’s rambling tapered off by the time they pulled up to his apartment. He had even thrown out a few answers here and there.

Maybe he wanted to talk to Hanji. Who knows? He even felt a pang of loneliness when he stepped out of their shitty car. What the fuck did that mean?

As Levi looked up at his apartment building, he let out a soft sigh. That was fairly quick. He should have all the time in the world to work on his meaningless assignments.

Actually, what time was it anyway?

The idle question sent ice through Levi’s veins. His brows furrowed into a tight-knit.

He had fucking forgotten about asking for a watch.


	5. Chapter 5

If Eren actually had freaked Levi out during their first official meeting, he didn’t act like it. Levi continued to go to the library at the exact same time every day and left almost at the exact same time every day. Eren took a deep breath as he tried to steel his nerves.

He had been watching Levi for almost a week now. The raven had been on his mind every single minute of every single day. It just wasn’t fair at all. He had no idea how he was torturing Eren just by being there.

Eren needed to make another move, or else he was going to lose his fucking mind.

Eren slowly walked up to Levi’s table, his eyes quickly glancing over the odd assortment of books he had with him. Some were engineering and mathematics, others were classical literature and pottery making. This time, he made sure to stay out of Levi’s light.

Once again, Levi paid him no mind as Eren approached. Eren cleared his throat awkwardly. “Hey! Levi!”

Levi slammed his book shut, before glaring up at him. “Are you one of those welcoming counselors or some shit?”

Eren let out a soft chuckle as he sat down in the chair across from Levi. Well, now he was just blatantly invading Levi’s space. “No, I’m just trying to be friendly!”

“Go be friendly to someone else.” Levi hissed as he grabbed a different book from his pile.

Eren bit his lip, desperately trying to think of some way to get on Levi’s good side. “I could buy you a coffee if you’d like.”

“I don’t like coffee.” Levi snapped. He continued reading for a few moments before his eyes softened, looking up at Eren. “But I’d let you buy me some tea.”

Eren’s heart nearly tumbled out of his chest. “Tea? Of course! Um,” Eren quickly hopped up, promising to be right back as he ran to the library’s café. They had to have tea, right? That was, like, a normal café thing, right?

Eren struggled to read the small print of the signs but managed to learn that they did, in fact, have some tea. He quickly stepped up to order ‘one of each’. Sure, the barista gave him a weird look, but he couldn’t give any less of a damn. He had no idea what Levi wanted, the best thing he could do was at least give him some options.

Eren kept checking his watch as the barista attended to other people’s orders before his. Yes, Eren knew that the other people had been in line before him, but he was still irritated that they were making  _Levi_ wait. They had no idea just how important he was.

As soon as Eren could tell that they were preparing his order, he got a little bit excited. Maybe after this, he could actually start to spend more time with Levi. Hell, maybe he could convince Levi to go on a date of sorts.

As soon as the tray of teacups was on the counter, Eren quickly snatched it and ran. Levi had been waiting long enough.

Eren quickly navigated back to their little isolated part of the library, relieved to see that Levi was still there. He put the tray down in front of Levi, careful to not spill anything. “I didn’t know what you wanted, so I just got them all.”

Levi almost seemed impressed for a moment as he saw the assortment before him. Yet, his scowl returned soon enough. “These are tea bags.”

“Is there any other kind of tea?” Eren said nervously.

Levi stared blankly at him, his silver eyes piercing through Eren’s very soul. “Yes. There’s fresh, loose tea…” he paused to pick up one of the cups, “and then there’s this.”

Eren swallowed, starting to feel like a fucking idiot. He had never seen ‘loose’ tea. His mother had only ever used bags, he had only ever seen bagged tea in stores. Maybe Levi was just fucking with him. “I don’t think they have-“

“No, you’re probably right.” Levi cut him off, looking into the paper teacup. At least the tea bag didn’t let too many dregs into the tea. He took a slow sip. God, it was awful. Levi forced himself to swallow it, rather than spit it back out into the cup.

He looked awkwardly up at Eren, expecting him to be drinking his own tea or coffee. Instead, he found that Eren was watching him quite intently. “Did you not get one for yourself?” Levi asked, starting to feel like Eren was only there to observe him.

Fuck, he was probably just an undercover cop, watching over his progress. Levi didn’t think he felt upset, he didn’t even really like Eren, but he did feel  _something_ .

“I didn’t even think to get one, I’ll be right back!” Eren moved to get up from his chair, but Levi shot his hand out to stop him.

“Just take the herbal one.” He offered it to Eren. He certainly wasn’t going to be drinking it anyway. Herbal teas always had a knack for tasting like piss.

Eren’s face flushed as he nodded and relaxed back into his chair. He lifted the cup marked with ‘hrbl’ and took a slow sip. It was much hotter than it looked, and Eren struggled to pretend that his tongue hadn’t been scalded. How the fuck was Levi managing to drink this so quickly?

The two stayed quiet as they just drank their tea in peace.

Levi’s eyes narrowed as he got a better look at Eren. He certainly didn’t remember seeing Eren around the institution, but that certainly didn’t mean he wasn’t one of them. If he really was being paid to act like a college moron, he was doing one hell of a job.

Eren tried to take the time to take in as many details about Levi that he could. He noticed a faint scar on his right hand. Levi’s nails were well kept. He started to see the fine lines of young wrinkles starting to spread on Levi’s face. God, either Levi was stressed, or he was much older than Eren thought he was.

Eren took another sip of his tea before something dawned on him. Levi was a teenager while Eren was a child. How fucking old did that make him now? How the hell was he a college freshman?

“Why are you so interested in me?” Levi’s question pulled Eren out of his thoughts.

“I just uh…” Eren desperately wanted to tell Levi the truth. He wanted to profess his love for Levi and his actions. He wanted to tell him about the dreams he had been having, the constant yearning in his heart. “I think you’re pretty.” The words tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them.

“Hmm.” Levi took another sip of his tea, looking deeper into Eren’s eyes. It certainly wasn’t a response that he was expecting, but for the life of him, he couldn’t bring himself to feel offended by it.

“So, uh,” Eren rubbed the back of his neck, starting to feel like he rushed into this oh so very unprepared. “Where did you go to school before you came here?”

“Ask a different question,” Levi said simply. If Eren had known who he was, he would have known that answer. There was never a point in asking things you already knew.

Yet, Eren took his order to mean something else entirely. “Oh, um…” Eren felt his face flush. “Are you doing anything tonight?”

Levi’s eyes widened. He had expected to be questioned about the missing girl or the drunk moron. Actually, maybe Eren was still going to do that, just in a more secluded area. Yet, Levi started to think his theory was wearing thin. Most cops were useless bastards, but they didn’t act as helpless as Eren did. “Not for a few hours, no.”

“Then would you like to just walk around campus for a while?” Eren offered. It was a timid choice. If Levi didn’t want to date him, it didn’t have to be a date. Yet, it had the ability to turn into something so much more.

Levi took another sip of his black tea. He glanced at all the other cups Eren had brought him. He hadn’t even tried any of them, but he could just assume they tasted fucking terrible too. He wouldn’t mind leaving them behind to go do something more worthwhile. “I do need to get more acclimated to the area.”

Eren’s eyes lit up as if they held all the stars in the sky. “Then let’s go!” He practically leapt up from his chair and took Levi’s hand.

Eren seemed genuinely happy to spend time with him. It made Levi feel  _something_ . He couldn’t quite tell what that something was, but it didn’t make him feel entirely terrible. “Don’t make me regret this.”

Eren couldn’t restrain the smile that was tugging at his lips as Levi followed him through the library. A thousand questions lay trapped behind his lips as he reminded himself that he needed to be careful about this.

The question about Levi’s age started nagging at him more. “Is this your first year here too?”

“Yes.” Levi’s eyes narrowed as they walked past the café. What a stupid question. “They don’t let students go past their second semester undecided, remember?”

“Right, right.” Eren mentally slapped himself. His smile turned tense, as he desperately tried to come up with a better conversation topic. He failed to do so.

As they stepped out into the evening, Levi winced as the humidity enveloped them. “I hate it here.” He hissed. He could feel the disgusting heat starting to seep into his very bones. Eren let out a chuckle, knowing that fall was just around the corner. Soon enough, winter would have them begging for this kind of sweltering heat to return.

They walked in a mostly comfortable silence as they approached the recreational side of the campus. As they walked past the school’s makeshift movie theater, Eren vaguely gestured to it. “Have you seen any movies lately?”

“No.” Levi kept walking, not offering any sort of an explanation.

Eren nodded and picked up his pace to catch back up with him. “Okay, cool. The cinema isn’t for everyone.”

Eren felt lost as he tried to navigate conversations with Levi. There was so much he wanted to say, but he felt like there was a wall between them. There was nothing he wanted more than to break it down and show Levi  _everything_ .

After a few minutes of walking side by side in silence, someone caught Eren’s eye. A thin smirk tugged at his cheek. The possibilities were endless. “Hey.” He nudged Levi gently.

A soft huff let Eren know he had Levi’s attention. “What?”

Eren tilted his head towards the other student. He was standing fairly far from any source of light or foot traffic. He was simply fiddling with his phone, hardly looking up at all. “That guy’s in a pretty isolated area.”

“I guess so,” Levi agreed and kept walking.

Eren caught up to him and gently grabbed him by the shoulder. “No one else is around here except for us.” He looked into Levi’s eyes, begging him to understand what he was suggesting.

Levi’s expression didn’t change. He simply blinked at Eren. “Okay.”

Eren really hoped Levi was just fucking with him. “C’ mon, Levi.” He pulled him by the shoulder towards the other student.

“What are you doing now?” Levi narrowed his eyes, yet he didn’t put up an attempt to resist Eren’s lead.

“C’ mon, let’s just have some fun, okay?” Eren grinned. He couldn’t even imagine what it was going to be like to see Levi in action again, especially so close. Eren assumed Levi had some kind of knife on him, but the idea of having Levi have to borrow his was precious beyond words. Of course, he’d be willing to offer his up.

Hell, maybe he could convince Levi to sign it too.

Levi stopped a few feet behind Eren, feeling a little bit uncomfortable with how shady Eren was being all of a sudden. He just watched with narrowed eyes as Eren continued his approach.

The other student was rather tall, standing a few inches taller than Eren. “Hey, man.” The man nodded without looking up from his phone.

Eren didn’t like it when people didn’t give him the proper attention, especially when he was about to slit their pathetic throats. He looked back at Levi, smirking, hoping he was excited to see the little show he was about to put on.

Eren smacked the phone from his hands. The glass shattered against the concrete with a satisfying sound, leaving only a distorted image of ‘Pokémon Go’ on the screen.

“Hey!” The other student hissed, his hands balling into fists, his face into a snarl.

His pathetic attempts at intimidation did nothing. Eren didn’t hesitate to shove him against the wall, knocking the wind out of him. The brick walls scraped at Eren’s knuckles as he pinned him there by his hoodie.

“Okay, god, I’ll give you my wallet!” The other student panicked. But his pathetic whining wasn’t enough to save him.

Money meant nothing to Eren.

Eren pulled the knife from his pocket, switching the blade out effortlessly. He held it close to his own body as he glanced back at Levi with a smile.

Levi’s brows were furrowed as he saw the scene play out before him. He didn’t know why the fuck Eren brought him over here, but this was getting weird. “Eren?”

Eren just winked at him before turning back to look at his prey. The other student was openly crying now, tears preventing him from seeing the knife in Eren’s hand.

He took a deep breath, trying to remember how Levi did it all those years. A few quick stabs to the chest and a quick slit of the throat. It was an art form.

Eren steadied the knife in his hand, excitement threatening to overwhelm his grip.

A few quick stabs, just a few quick stabs.

Eren thrust the knife forward, delighting in the panicked and startled shrieks that ripped from his pathetic mouth. The hoodie did nothing to stop the metal from plunging deep into his ribcage, piercing through several organs in the process. The panicked screams became ghastly as blood started to fill his lungs.

When Eren decided he had enough fun, he quickly dragged the blade across his neck. Crimson painted the previously unmarred canvas with ease, seeping into the hoodie. The former student fell to the ground with a thud, struggling to breathe his final breaths.

Eren turned to look at Levi, excited to see his approval.

Instead, Levi looked like he was about to puke. His eyes were wide, unwavering from the bloodied blade in Eren’s grip. He didn’t look impressed or delighted or aroused or  _anything_ that Eren had hoped for. When the student finally stopped struggling and allowed death to take him, Levi snapped out of his trance.

He took a step back, his eyes never leaving Eren’s blade.

“Levi?” Eren whispered, completely unsure why Levi was acting like this.

His attempts at soothing and reassuring the other man failed, as Levi turned to flee. Eren lunged forward, trying to grab Levi’s arm. If he could just explain, maybe that would fix everything. His fingers only managed to brush against Levi’s skin as Levi recoiled from him. Eren stumbled forward, nearly losing his balance in the process. Levi didn’t hesitate to use this as a chance to run.

“Wait, Levi!” Eren called out. If Levi heard him, he certainly wasn’t obeying Eren’s demands. He was tempted to give chase but chose to stand there as Levi disappeared around a corner.

“Son of a bitch,” Eren hissed. He glared at the corpse behind him as if it was its fault that his romantic plan fell through.

-

Eren struggled to find Levi on campus after that. He went to the library, stalked the dorm halls, and even lingered around the security stations. There wasn’t a single sign of the other man. It was as if he had fallen off the face of the earth.

Eren knew he tended to rush into things, but it really did seem like the perfect date opportunity for both of them. Sure, he hadn’t specifically stated that it was a date, but come on, it was a date. The only explanation that made sense was that Levi wasn’t actually his dear Alley Man, but he trusted himself. The resemblance was simply too uncanny to have any other explanation.

His frustrations, both sexual and emotional, seeped into his conversations with Armin and Mikasa. He was able to quickly blame it on school stresses, but that excuse was only going to get him so far. He needed some damn answers.

Surely Levi didn’t think he was going to attack him next, right? Did Levi even recognize that Eren had copied his technique? That he had memorized it just to show Levi how enthralled he was?

Yet, his questions were going to have to go unanswered as Eren couldn’t even find him.

Classes seemed to drag on for far too long these days. It was as if he was on campus to learn rather than find his love. Okay, maybe he was actually on to something there, but Eren was still allowed to hate his classes.

One of the more annoying classes was the psychology class he shared with Armin. The work was repetitive and meaningless. It wasn’t helping anyone to understand. He was entirely convinced the professor gave it to them so he didn’t have to actually interact with them in class.

His voice droned on as he explained the assignment. It was focusing on the psychology of incriminated civilians. They had to compare socioeconomic backgrounds, their role in society, and their mental health before trying to explain ‘why they did what they did’.

“All files granted through the database have been made public. You will not be required to submit any certification for this database. For other, more advanced searches, you can come to me to inquire directly.” And with that, he returned to the small desk at the front of the room to supposedly work on his personal computer. Eren could tell from the reflection on the whiteboard that he was actually just playing solitaire. How nice.

“Hey, what are you doing your paper on?” Armin’s quiet voice startled him. His brilliant blue eyes were eager to actually start digging into the course material and come up with hypothesis and diagnoses.

It seemed kind of fucked up to have college freshmen judge an entire person’s life on what little information was available, but whatever. A grade was a grade.

“I’m not sure yet,” Eren admitted freely, “I think I’m going to just play around with it until I find something interesting.”

He stared blankly at his computer screen. His fingers hovered over the keys, just itching to type something in. Yet nothing came to mind. He kept glancing between his notes, the search bar, and the clock. Before he knew it, the class was already over.

Armin already seemed to be halfway done with his assignment when they started packing up their stuff. He went on and on about how the lack of solid education was one of the most common causes for a life of deviation. Eren was tempted to roll his eyes.

Here he was, pursuing higher education. That didn’t make him an upstanding citizen.

Armin blabbed the entire time they walked back to the dorm, and even though he wasn’t hanging on to every single word, he was still happy to hear how genuinely excited Armin seemed to be.

If only Levi had been that excited a few days ago.

Armin’s words became muffled as Eren wondered about him. Now he was starting to worry that something had happened to him. Sure, it was a large campus, but it would take a lot of effort to actively avoid someone who knew your schedule.

Eren’s eyes snapped open, his feet awkwardly shuffling to a halt on the sidewalk.

Maybe this assignment was a gift from the universe itself. While knowing about Levi’s past wasn’t going to help him right here and now, it could help him in his future endeavors. There was no guarantee that Levi was in the system, but if there was even a chance, it was worth looking in to.

Armin called to him, after realizing that Eren had stopped following him. He shook his head, coming back to the present before running to catch up with him.


	6. Chapter 6

Eren’s fingers hovered over his keyboard once more. While they had previously stalled due to a lack of direction, now it was anxiety that had frozen them in place. Eren’s heart beat wildly as he wondered what was going to happen as soon as he hit enter. Would it give him absolutely nothing of interest or was it going to give him Levi’s entire life story? There was only one way to know, so why was Eren hesitating?

He took a deep breath, before pushing the enter key down with his pinkie finger. Here goes nothing.

The shitty wifi had him on the edge of his seat as the page turned into a slowly moving loading bar. His breathing hitched and his toes curled as he watched the green bar slowly grow. It seemed to be making good progress until it just stopped at ninety-seven percent.

Eren’s tense expression melted into anger as the page started to freeze up. If he wasn’t already a serial killer, he would have gotten some pretty murderous desires. 

Just when Eren was about to give up and hold the power button to effectively take the machine off life support, the screen returned to normal. Eren huffed as the green bar quickly finished moving. Figures.

Eren held his breath as the articles relating to ‘Levi Ackerman’ appeared. Some seemingly unrelated link about ‘Kenny Ackerman’ was the top of the list. Eren paid it no mind. He scrolled through a few other unfamiliar names, his heart starting to fear that Levi simply wasn’t here.

When he got to the bottom of the page, he was relieved to see that  there was another page of results to aid his search . He didn’t hesitate to click next. He just had a feeling that his answers were going to be there. The screen flickered a bit before returning to the loading screen.

Eren nearly pulled out his hair in clumps.

Yet, the computer did not misbehave as it had last time. It quickly moved on to the second page. The very first link simply said ‘Levi Ackerman’. Eren quickly selected it. He wasn’t even mad that the computer was loading it slowly. The fact that he had even found anything about Levi was enough of a relief for now.

The article loaded, line by line, taking a few seconds to get Levi’s entire mugshot in before moving on to the actual entry. Eren’s eyes were locked on the picture, taking in every single detail of Levi’s gorgeous face. It was marred with bruises and cuts, but they only served to enhance Levi’s beauty in his own mind.

He could feel a familiar tightness in his pants but he willed himself to ignore it. If he took a break to jerk off over every piece of information here, he would be stuck in that chair for hours.

Eren was dismayed to see that the description for him was brief. It claimed that Levi had helped in destroying evidence and that there were only circumstantial testimonies against him. The Sina Police Department claimed that he had murdered at least twenty-seven people before being apprehended.

“Twenty-seven?” Eren whispered. Perhaps his no masturbation rule was going to have to change. He had hoped Levi was well-experienced, but this was insane.

Eren quickly kept scrolling to read more. His eyes glanced over various murder weapons and a lack of motives, but two words in red caught his eye.

“REFORMED CIVILIAN”.

Eren stared at the screen, the pleasure clouding his mind faded immediately. “No.” He shook his head.

“PATIENT ADEQUATELY COMPLETED REHABILITATION PROCEDURES.”

Eren fell back in his chair. He threw his head back: staring up at the ceiling. He felt completely and entirely numb.

-

Erwin was getting really tired of being called in at three am. If they found another body this late at night, he was just going to strangle Levi himself. “Let me get this straight. We allowed a serial killer to be released into one of the most densely populated college campuses in the world?”

“A  _ former  _ serial killer,” Hanji corrected, “but… yes.”

Erwin narrowed his eyes, before roughly rubbing them. He should have gotten some fucking coffee before walking into this mess. “And you’re telling me that all these missing or dead students  _ aren’t _ his victims?”

“Levi’s height alone proves his innocence!” They exclaimed proudly. Before Erwin could even ask what the hell that was supposed to mean, they continued, “Our real killer must be at least six feet tall. Levi would have had to stab  _ upwards _ to make these wounds, but they were clearly made by someone slashing down into their victim. Even upwards, the angle would show he’s too short to live and would not match a taller killer’s.”

Erwin took a glance at the autopsy pictures scattered all over the table. They weren’t in order at all, but they seemed to be organized in such a way that Hanji understood them perfectly. And even though their boundless confidence was usually convincing on its own, Erwin was skeptical. “Couldn’t he just have been attacking them on the ground?”

“The splatter pattern on the wall says otherwise. Look,” They offered him one of the many photos of the crime scene. This particular one was a picture of the brick wall next to where they found the body. Hanji’s finger traced over each of the major splotches of blood. “It’s between five to six feet off the ground. Our victim here was first attacked while standing. So, unless Levi had a pair of  _ killer _ heels, this wasn’t his work.” Hanji smirked a little at their wordplay but continued quickly. “Plus, they don’t match Levi’s usual target description.”

Erwin could only blankly stare at the useless collection of photos. “So, you’re telling me that we have a serial killer out there that’s killing people in a damn near identical way,” he paused to rub his eyes, “and the only thing we have to go off of is that they’re tall.”

Hanji pursed their lips together, glancing down at the mess of documents before them. “Pretty much.”

Erwin pinched the bridge of his nose. There should have been more evidence than this. There should have been some fucking lead here. Angry parents, insistent reporters, and terrified students were weighing his soul down by his ankles. Sure, it was early in the morning, but there was no fucking excuse for not being able to find  _ anyone  _ specific to investigate.

“The weirdest thing is that students started missing  _ before _ Levi showed up.” They handed Erwin yet another file. He was starting to wish that he had an extra arm to hold all this shit. It was starting to get annoying to shuffle through everything physically. By tomorrow, all of this would be uploaded into the database and analyzing it would be so much easier. But waiting for tomorrow to start would mean allowing their murderer a few extra hours.

“Our copycat killer was out before Levi was even released,” Erwin said quietly, comparing the dates on all the autopsies. Hanji was right, that poor girl disappeared the night before Levi was released. Her death was never confirmed but it was all too suspicious to not include it within this investigation.

“Maybe it’s completely unrelated to Levi being there,” Hanji suggested, acting as if their personal bias wasn’t one of their major influences in the case.

“Oh, I very much doubt that, Hanji.” He looked back at the pictures of the victims. The girl was a complete mystery. The evidence that tied her to this case was circumstantial at best. Hell, she might not even be apart of it, but now wasn’t the time to start divvying this case up.

The other male victim didn’t sit right with him. It certainly didn’t seem like Levi’s work, but maybe if he was just that frustrated, he would lash out like that. A new school, no, a new  _ life _ was bound to stress him out. “What about the drunk that got beat to death?”

“Levi had signed out a half-hour before the time of death,” Hanji stated. It wasn’t an answer to his verbal question, but to the one that lay beneath it. “And before you ask, yes, we do have footage of him leaving and of him inside his apartment.”

Erwin remained silent, his eyes ran over each and every word, hoping something would jump out at him. Something that would condemn Levi right then and there.

“It’s not him, Erwin. We’re dealing with a completely unknown variable here.”

-

Eren let out a raggard sigh. Even walking in the chilly fall evening couldn’t seem to brighten his spirits. There were so many students wandering about in the dark as if three of their peers hadn’t died within the last few weeks. There were so many targets just strolling around, practically begging to be put down.

His fingers twitched, eager to grip his blade once more, but his mind wasn’t there yet. Tonight would have been the perfect night to go out hunting with Levi. They could have held hands under the moonlight, laughing together as they chased down their peers.

They could be sneaking through the dark, barely avoiding the police. Levi could have reminded him to be careful, brushing his hair out of his face. Their eyes could have met, pulling them closer together as their lips met in the middle.

Yeah, it could have been perfect.

But it wasn’t.

Levi was  _ cured _ . Those shitheads had ruined his perfect Alley Man.

Why the fuck was he even out here, tonight? He wasn’t going to kill anyone when he was this miserable.

Eren had searched everywhere. It was like Levi had disappeared from the campus entirely. He never saw him in the commons, the dining halls, the bookstore, the library, or around any of the lecture halls. Where the fuck else could he be? Did he transfer that quickly?

-

Of course, he was in the library. That seemed to be the only place Levi actually tolerated being. 

He had only spotted Levi by chance as he looked for sources for his term paper. This wasn’t his usual floor. Eren couldn’t believe it: had Levi been hiding here this entire time? How had he managed to sneak past him time and time again? He had waited on the first floor for Levi to show up for hours each day, how had he not seen Levi come in?

Maybe Eren wasn’t nearly as perceptive as he thought he was.

The time lost between them didn’t matter so long as he chased after him, as long as he made Levi  _ his.  _ Eren ever so carefully peeked out from behind one of the bookcases, preparing to duck at a moment’s notice. The last thing he needed right now was for Levi to get spooked and run off again.

Levi had tucked himself into a small corner between two large, rickety bookcases. It looked as if the books were strategically placed so that the metal shelves didn’t fall apart. Levi had a few books scattered around him as if he was building up walls between him and this new world.

Christ, how long had Levi been hiding up here?

As if Levi could feel himself being watched, his head snapped up, his eyes wide and alert. Eren’s breath caught in his throat, he quickly hid behind his own bookcase. He could hear Levi rummaging through his backpack for quite some time before hearing the jingle of zippers, letting Eren know that he was starting to walk away from his little haven.

Eren stepped out, letting out a shaky breath as he quietly followed Levi. Sure, he could have run and caught up to him, but he didn’t want Levi to be scared again. He never wanted Levi to be afraid of him. 

Their eyes met as the elevator doors started to slip shut. Levi’s eyes widened ever so slightly. Was it fear or simply recognition that gleamed in his silver eyes?

Time seemed to slow down as Eren’s body momentarily refused to obey him. He tried to lunge forward, relying on his muscle memory rather than his common sense. Eren’s legs didn’t move fast enough. The elevator doors shut on his face, nearly crushing his nose in the process.

Eren’s hand slammed on the elevator button, hoping to god it would open the door again. It didn’t.  _ “Fuck,”  _ Eren cursed under his breath. He quickly turned to throw open the door to the stairwell. Maybe if he ran he could catch up. Running up seven flights of stairs seemed a little daunting, but running  _ down _ ? That should be easy enough.

The only thing that stayed on his mind was Levi as he practically threw himself down the stairs. Levi had gotten away from him like this once before, he wasn’t going to let it happen again.

His feet moved quickly, barely hitting the concrete as he ran. Sure, Eren’s training regimen had fallen through once he started college, but he was still in shape, so why was his heart thundering wildly in his chest? His right foot slipped, skipping over an entire step in the process. He stumbled but managed to stay upright.

He hadn’t even made it to the third floor before he felt sweat starting to accumulate on his brow. He wasn’t even exercising that hard, he shouldn’t be sweating yet. His hand skimmed over the railing, only grabbing onto it when he reached the next floor. He used it to roughly swing himself around to the next flight of stairs. 

As he pushed through the door to the main floor of the library, he looked back and forth. There was no way he had missed the elevator, right?

As Levi stepped out, he noticed Eren’s smile. His face didn’t move an inch, but his eyes wavered. He quickly started walking towards the main entrance, praying to whatever god would listen that Eren would at least follow social conventions here.

“Levi, wait!” Eren whispered, trying to draw less attention to them. The last thing he wanted was for some dumbass sticking their nose into his and Levi’s business.

“Stay away from me,” Levi snapped, he didn’t even turn to look at him. Instead, he chose to quicken his pace, trying to get as much distance between them as possible. 

“Aw, come on, don’t be like that,” Eren sighed. His longer legs allowed him to keep up easily.

Levi didn’t respond but kept walking. His face was pulled into a tight glare. It was precious. His mostly emotionless mask was starting to crack.

Good. Eren was starting to break down his walls. Annoying him seemed to be the trick. Eren walked a little faster to get in front of Levi, blocking his path and forcing him to pay attention to him.

Levi stopped in his tracks. He only glared up at Eren. An unknown emotion was hidden in his eyes. “Give me one good fucking reason not to drag your ass to the security station and make a citizen’s arrest.”

“A citizen’s arrest?” Eren scoffed at that. “You are  _ much _ more uptight than I dreamed you were.” This was all so, so disappointing. “Besides who are they going to believe? The kid who’s never had an issue with the law or the literal serial killer.”

Levi’s grimace deepened. “I’m not… I’m…”

“…reformed?” Eren finished. He let out a soft chuckle. “Levi come on. You’re better than this! Look at you! You’re miserable.” He raised a hand to cup Levi’s cheek. “When I saw you in the alleyway, just hacking that poor bastard apart, you were  _ animated _ . You were  _ alive,  _ Levi. I was mesmerized.”

Levi’s mouth fell open, his brows furrowed. “You were that little brat that just watched me,” he whispered as if he was talking more to himself than anyone else.

Eren’s eyes softened. Levi had remembered him. He wasn’t just a fleeting memory in his mind. Maybe, just maybe, Levi had wondered about him too. “I have thought about you every day, every hour, every minute since.”

“You became a monster because of me,” Levi said to himself. He stayed silent for a moment before pulling away from Eren’s touch. “You… you need help.”

Eren retracted his arm, clutching tight over his heart and took a step forward. “And what has that  _ help _ done for you?”

Levi’s stern gaze wavered as he took a moment to actually consider the question. Nothing was coming to mind, nothing at all. Eren’s devilish smirk pissed him off to no end. There was no way in hell that he was going to allow this bastard to win so easily. “It got me into college,” he said simply.  _ Help _ had given him a future.

“A college you don’t want to be in,” Eren reminded him. “A college where you don’t even know what you want to do. You’ve just been drifting around: pretending that you’re supposed to be here but we both know that you don’t.” Eren’s words were harsh, probably blunter than they needed to be, but the sooner Levi realized that he was living a lie, the better.

Levi swallowed. Dr. Ral’s words and promises rang clear in his mind. He’d find his place here soon. College just took a little bit of time. “That’s true for now, but—“

“Why did you start killing in the first place?” Eren asked suddenly. That conversation was going nowhere. He would much rather cut to the heart of his questions.

“Leave me alone,” Levi hissed, narrowing his eyes. It was clear that his intimidating look didn’t phase Eren at all. So, in order to accentuate his words, he ever so slightly slammed his heel onto Eren’s sneaker.

Eren’s leg buckled instantly as a pained gasp ripped from his throat. With Eren on the ground, shocked and in pain, Levi took the time to briskly walk away. The idea of running popped into his head, but he pushed it away. He certainly didn’t want Eren thinking he was actually afraid of him.

“Aw c’ mon, wait,” Eren called after him. His words were a little bit raspy, but desperate nonetheless.

Levi kept moving forward, ignoring Eren’s pathetic pleas behind him. He wasn’t too far from where he needed to be, but he needed to keep moving. Eren didn’t seem like the type to linger on the ground like a child. He was bound to get back up soon with even more fire in his eyes.

As he approached the security checkpoint, he just offered Mike a wave. The other man seemed to trust Levi at this point. That was probably going to wind up being a mistake sooner rather than later. Levi passed through the campus gate all the same.

As he stepped out onto the street, a familiar sight lay before him. Jesus Christ, thank God Hanji was here early today. The last thing he needed was for Eren to actually manage to hobble over here and continue to harass him.

Levi yanked the door open roughly, the hinges shrieked at him. He didn’t care. He had already heard enough screeching this week. He tumbled into the car, quickly closing the door behind him. The more doors he could put between him and Eren, the better.

“Evening, Levi!” Hanji grinned, turning their head to glance at him. “Got any updates for me?”

Levi’s eyes widened, his hand accidentally releasing his seatbelt. Updates? On what? Did they know about what had been going on at night? Did they already know about Eren? “What?” He stared into their eyes, not seeing any sense of urgency or fear.

“Your grades!” They chuckled, noticing the panic hidden in his silver eyes. “Get any tests back? How’s your homework coming along? We may almost be the same age, but I feel like a proud mother sometimes.”

“I haven’t checked my grades yet,” Levi admitted as he finally managed to click his seatbelt in place. “We haven’t really done anything important yet.”

“Ah, the start of the semester,” they sighed wistfully as they started up the car. “This is going to be the least stressful couple of weeks you’ll have for a while. Savor it while you can.”

Levi only allowed himself to nod as he reminded himself that Hanji didn’t know. He was fine. Eren wasn’t going to drag him back into that hell. His eyes slipped shut, the vibration of the car was the only thing letting him know that they were moving forward at all. His mind continued to fall into the past.

“Once you start getting grades, I want to hear about it though. I’m sure you’re going to get great scores like you did in your first year of high school.” Hanji continued absentmindedly.

His early success in school wasn’t a heavily guarded secret at all. Levi knew he was smart. He should have been able to use his intelligence to get into some prestigious school with a scholarship to boot. He should have been set down the path of some successful,  _ honest _ career.

He never meant to become this.

It wasn’t his fault.

He was getting better, he told himself.

He had  _ just _ resorted to violence again, his mind pointed out.

His stomach churned, an ever-present reminder of his guilt and regret. He could usually hold it down. If he could only go back to his freshman year of high school and stop this from ever happening. Levi’s eyes shut tighter, his memories fading away as he focused entirely on keeping the contents of his stomach down.

Hanji continued to talk but glanced up to look in the rearview mirror just in time to see Levi holding back a gag. “Levi?” They asked softly. The metropolitan traffic was a godsend, allowing them to turn around and give Levi the attention he needed.

Levi’s body trembled ever so slightly as he leaned against the window. The cool glass did little to relieve his discomfort, but it was better than nothing. He wrapped his arms around his stomach as if that was going to stabilize himself. It didn’t work. He could feel another retch bubbling up this throat.

“Shit!” Hanji cursed, leaning over to open the glove box. They dug around the disorganized mess until they felt thin plastic rub against their fingertips. The plastic bag crinkled loudly as they yanked it free. “Here’s a bag, use this, please.”

Levi was more than happy to comply as he finally let himself give in to his nausea.


	7. Chapter 7

Levi could practically feel Eren staring at the back of his head. Ever since Eren finally found his hiding spot in the library, he struggled to find a new one that would keep him safe for a few days. Eren seemed to be learning quickly, Levi’s intervals of peace were growing smaller and smaller each time. It could almost be considered a game of cat and mouse if it wasn’t for Levi being able to get away without much effort each time.

Eren was a persistent bastard. Levi had estimated that he was going to find him two days from now, yet here he was. Christ, it was like he had planted a tracking chip in his backpack. He needed to end this. “I’m not like you,” Levi stated simply, refusing to turn around. He needed to end this shit before Eren brought him back down that path. He wasn’t doing it anymore. That wasn’t him anymore.

_ It was never him _ , he lied to himself.

He could hear Eren softly sigh. As determined as he was, Levi knew he was being worn down. “Not anymore, but—“

“No, Eren. And I never will be.” Levi unclenched his fists before correcting himself. “… again.” Before Eren could open his stupid fucking mouth and try to put up another fight, Levi turned to face his stalker. “Stay away from me.”

Against all odds and expectations, Eren didn’t follow him. Maybe it was his commanding tone or maybe he had just given up hope. “Sheesh. Never meet your heroes,” Eren muttered under his breath. Why did Levi have to be so difficult about this? He brought his hand to his heart, lowering his head.

He watched his precious alley man slink away without so much as a glance back at him. He had been obsessing over this man for thirteen  _ years,  _ and now he was just letting him slip from his fingers. Why wasn’t he fighting? Why was he just letting this happen? Eren could feel tears starting to well up in his eyes. He wanted to shriek. He wanted to run after Levi. He wanted to shake some sense into him. Yet his entire body felt stiff.

He couldn’t take much more of this rejection.

-

In Eren’s own defense, he did try to stay away from Levi for a little bit. He really,  _ really _ did try. Levi had no idea how he constantly invaded Eren’s dreams, his every waking thought. There simply wasn’t a way that he could actually hold himself back for very long.

Even though Levi knew Eren could track him down easily in the library, he still returned time and time again. Maybe he actually  _ wanted _ Eren to find him. Surely if Levi actually hated him, he wouldn’t keep coming back, right?

Eren held his breath. His alley man was mere inches from him. He could reach out and touch Levi’s jacket if he really wanted to. “Levi—“ Eren whispered. He hadn’t even meant to speak but his yearning basically destroyed any semblance of logic once his eyes were on Levi. 

“Why are you here?” Levi didn’t even look up from his book when he spoke.

“I just want to talk,” Eren said, stepping out from his hiding spot. “…no murders, no violence,” Eren promised. He looked like an innocent young man, standing before Levi, bearing his heart on his sleeve.

Levi narrowed his eyes. Eren certainly didn’t look like he was lying. However, Eren also didn’t look like a serial killer. “Why?” Levi snapped. No one hung out with him willingly. No one. Levi wracked his brain for why Eren was here. 

Eren’s straight face turned into a lopsided smile as he sighed gently. “Because I  _ like _ you.”

He was looking at Levi with an expression that he hadn’t seen in a very long time. He had to admit that Eren was a pretty damn good actor. Levi leaned forward, looking Eren up and down, “No. What do you really want from me?” He was wearing running shoes: perfect for a getaway. His pants were simple jeans, nothing that would stand out. One of his front pockets had an odd shape pressing through the fabric, no doubt that was his knife. Levi stopped his search. He didn’t need to see any more.

Eren felt electrified as Levi seemed to be checking him out. God, he really did love to play coy, huh? “I think your dry humor is funny,” he said honestly. However, his honesty was what got him on Levi’s bad side in the first place. “… I can’t stop thinking about you,” he added carefully. Levi didn’t seem too perturbed, so Eren bit his lip and continued. “Listen, I just wanna be with you.”

Levi looked into his eyes.

Why did his chest feel so funny? Did Eren put something in his tea when he didn’t realize it? Was Eren planning on killing him next since Levi knew his secret? “I’m not really doing anything important anyway,” Levi admitted. He did not know why he admitted that. He should have lied. He could have told Eren that he had seven exams tomorrow and if Eren so much as breathed he was going to lose it.

But he didn’t.

Levi shoved some of the books carefully back into his backpack. As he stood up, he picked up the books that wouldn’t fit into his bag before walking past Eren.

“What are you even studying for, anyway?” Eren asked, happy to follow Levi.

“I’m not studying for anything. I’ve never needed to study.” Levi said. He was already getting good grades in his classes without him expending any effort. 

Eren’s eyes lit up. “Whoa, are you like insanely clever?” He had always assumed Levi was just a vicious killer, but the idea of him being a criminal mastermind was also quite alluring.

“I just happen to have a good memory…” Levi’s words trailed off, “usually.” His mind flicked back to the test Dr. Hanji performed with the mirror. He still had no fucking recollection of saying that mirrors bothered him.

“So, if you’re not studying, what are you doing here?”

“I, uh, missed out on a lot of stuff while I was put away. I’m just trying to catch up on it all.” Levi gestured to the books in his arms. “I tried watching the news the other day and I literally couldn’t believe half the shit they were talking about. I thought I could figure some shit out here.”

Eren nodded, understanding. A lot of shit had changed very quickly, no wonder Levi felt lost. “Any luck?”

“Not really. There’s too much and I’m not even sure which of this is true and which isn’t.” Levi gestured to the articles. 

Most of them seemed legit, but one was very clearly from a satirical news outlet. Eren stifled a laugh. He would have to tell Levi about that later, instead he focused on what  _ was _ real. He bit his lip, glancing at all of the various topics Levi had laid out. Some of them were outside of Eren’s realm of knowledge, other parts seemed simple enough. “Well… I grew up in the real world while you were in jail—“

“It was a  _ reformative facility _ .” Levi cut in.The clipped tone in his voice made it clear that Eren was crossing another line with his alley man.

Eren sighed, that didn’t really make a difference to him. “—While you were in the ‘reformative facility’, I grew up in the real world.”

“Yeah? Good for you.” He sneered, completely missing what Eren was trying to say.

“Levi, I could teach you half of this stuff!” Eren shouted, immediately regretting raising his voice in the library. He ignored the shushing sounds from the students around them, but still felt sheepish.

Levi winced a little, recoiling from the sudden noise. “And I can trust you to be an accurate and unbiased source of information?”

“Yeah!”

Levi blinked slowly, waiting for Eren’s face to give way into any tells. He seemed earnest and true, but this was still Eren. “A bald-faced lie, but I’ll take it.”

Eren couldn’t suppress a brilliant grin. “Wanna talk about it over coffee?”

“No.” Levi paused. “How about tea instead?”

“There’s a great place off-campus where—“

Levi raised his hand, stopping Eren in his tracks. “If I keep ‘behaving’ then we can consider that in the future. For now, it’s nothing but shitty bagged tea for now.”

-

Once Levi had his fill of tea, he started rifling through his backpack. Eren tilted his head to try and get a better look at what Levi was carrying around with him all the time. It didn’t look like anything exciting. He had no knives, no weapons, not even a snack or two. How boring.

Eren leaned back in his chair disappointed before Levi managed to pull what he wanted out. It took Eren a moment before he recognized what it was. Oh, it was a newspaper. Wait, why was Levi actually reading newspapers in 2019.

From the United Kingdom to North America, from the Middle East to China, Levi had looked into what was happening on most major continents. “So, politics first,” Levi stated before gesturing to some of the more recent scandals. “Please tell me these are all jokes right? People didn’t actually elect them and then keep them in office, right?”

Eren winced as he saw the familiar faces of some of the more divisive world leaders. He squinted a little before smiling nervously. “Would it make you feel better if I did?”

“Oh my god, what the hell,” Levi sighed before flipping through the pile some more. “And none of them have faced any serious consequences for what they’ve done?”

“Nope,” Eren said simply.

Levi’s brows furrowed tightly. “God that makes me so mad that I could—“

“Kill someone?” Eren suggested.

Levi stared at him blankly. “I was going to say shriek.”

“Probably not the best thing to do in the library.” Eren chuckled awkwardly, trying to ignore the twang of disappointment.

“Oh please, no one really cares about noise here.” He scoffed. “I was up on one of the quiet floors. There was just a group of people playing some fucking video game.”

“Was it Fortnite or Overwatch?” Eren asked, a little tempted to go upstairs and watch. “Rainbow Six Siege?”

“I have no idea what any of those are.” He said blankly.

“God, you’re so behind on everything and you’re asking me about politics?”

Levi couldn’t tell if he was being serious. “I’d rather know the state of the world as a whole, Eren.”

“We can talk about that,” Eren reassured him, “but I’m a video game  _ expert _ .”

At this point, he was really hoping that he had misjudged how well Eren could act. “Are you proud of that?”

“Listen, I’m sure you’ve played video games before. You were a child once…” He paused. “…probably.”

“You assumed correctly,” Levi said dryly. The idea of Eren just toying with him was appealing in a certain sense. It would be nice to think that Eren wasn’t actually just  _ like this _ .

Video games were always an easy way to start a conversation. This could work. “Just stop me when you recognize a video game title, okay?” Surely, Levi would recognize something they could talk about.

“Alright.”

Eren steepled his fingers together, looking back on the best games from the previous years. “Uncharted 4?” Levi shook his head. “Stardew Valley?” No. “Grand Theft Auto Five?” Nope. “ _ Skyrim _ ?”

__

“Nope, none of those.”

Eren took a deep breath. Either Levi was a very convincing liar, or he had been through hell. “…Minecraft?” He asked hesitantly. When Levi shook his head, Eren put his hands on the table and leaned backward. “Christ, you were in there for a while.”

Levi grew quiet, his eyes drifting down. “I had to pass my ten-year mark before they would even consider me.”

Eren’s eyes widened, starting to regret hounding him about this so much. “That must have been hell, Levi.”

Levi shrugged. It wasn’t torturous or traumatizing, just annoying. “It got boring as I went through the process.”

“Would you like to tell me about it?” Eren bit his lip and looked up.

He could only raise a brow in response. “You wanna hear about the ten most boring years of my life?”

Eren let out a quiet chuckle. “Well,” He placed a hand on top of Levi, his heart thundering in his chest as their eyes met. “I doubt you would tell me about your more exciting years.”

“You make it sound like I’m some fucking old-ass veteran or something. I’m only thirty now and—“ Levi started to ramble before his thoughts stopped suddenly. “… I spent a third of my life there.” He said quietly. “All that time… just… gone.” Levi’s throat felt pulled taught. God, when he thought about it like that, he couldn’t believe what he had been robbed of. He could feel his fists clenching and his stomach churning.

“Levi?” Eren raised a hand, ready to brace Levi if he needed it.

Levi pressed his head against the cold glass, hoping that the chill would help ease his stomach a bit. The violent urges and rage didn’t subside, so neither did his nausea. “I think I’m going to throw up.”

Eren stayed quiet for a moment, just watching Levi, waiting and wondering what he could do. “You have to throw up a lot,” He said softly.

“I suppose I do.” Levi gasped, trying to focus on Eren’s words rather than the bile rising in his throat.

“Is that a side effect?” He asked quietly, managing to distract Levi a little bit.

Levi paused, his brows furrowing. He barely held down another retch. “Aside effect of what?”

“Of the rehabilitation process,” he elaborated.

Levi struggled to think and control his bodily functions. He could get through this. It wasn’t even  _ that _ bad this time. “Probably, but I don’t really know.”

“I hope it wears off soon.” He whispered, placing a hand on Levi’s shoulder to try and keep him at least a little grounded.

“It keeps me in line, Eren,” Levi snapped, yet his venom was curtailed by his queasy expression. 

Eren couldn’t hold back a devilish grin, he was lucky Levi wasn’t looking at him. “I know.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh btw, this fic is going on a two-three week hiatus while I move back to uni.  
> I'll be back soon enough, don't worry. I'm just doing this so I don't get burnt out and sick of this fic.


	8. Chapter 8

His once peaceful hideaway in the library had quickly been invaded by Eren’s presence. To any other student, Eren must have seemed completely normal. He was just sitting at one of the tables with a book in front of him. But, the longer Levi looked, the more he noticed that Eren  _ wasn’t _ reading. He turned the pages at random intervals, his eyes never moving down the page. Instead, Levi could feel Eren’s eyes on him. He would only ever pull his gaze away when another student walked by, resuming his studious fa ç ade. 

The longer Eren stayed with him, the more it felt like Levi was his  _ prey,  _ like it was only a matter of time before Eren did  _ something.  _ Yet, Levi didn’t have it in him to fight him off. He should kick Eren out. He needed to tell Eren to leave him alone. No, he what he  _ needed _ to do was turn him in.

Every time he checked in with Mike, a voice at the back of his mind shrieked at him to tell him about Eren. Yet, his tongue always remained heavy and stiff every time he passed the gate. His silence didn’t seem to bother Mike in the slightest. It was as if the man hadn’t really expected Levi to say much. He seemed to be behaving for now and that’s all that really mattered.

Levi found himself staring at the back of Eren’s head more and more as the days went by. The number of questions that lingered and died on his tongue were as numerous as the hairs on Eren’s head. Something always held them back in his throat. The questions often started to rot, weighing down Levi’s nerves, tasting acrid by the time he managed to swallow them down. He wondered if it was his cowardice or perhaps his programmed inhibition that never allowed him to actually speak freely. 

Levi had to fight an uphill battle to even force out a single sentence. “Why are you doing this, Eren?” It came out as a whisper, which was appropriate for the library, but very unusual for him.

Eren’s eyebrows furrowed, looking at Levi for a moment, looking deep into his eyes. He had slowly learned that a lot of Levi’s tells lied within them. “Doing what?” He asked cautiously.

“Helping me,” Levi clarified. Eren had classes too. Hell, he might even have work for all Levi knew. But here Eren was with him. He had no idea what responsibilities Eren was shirking off just to spend time with him.

Eren closed his book and gave Levi an odd look. “Because I want to. Is that not a good reason in its own right?”

“I’m not going to kill again, Eren.”

“I’m coming to terms with that, Levi.” Eren brought a hand up to gently cup Levi’s cheek, “Just know, you’ll always be my alley man.”

Eren couldn’t help but stare deeply into Levi’s precious silver eyes. They had captivated him for so, so long. The little flecks of blue were endearing, but he  _ adored _ how expressive they were while the rest of Levi’s face remained without a tell. It was an absolute dream that he could almost call them  _ his _ . They had haunted his every waking moment for so long, it was only right for them to belong to him, right?

But his eyes weren’t the only part of Levi that he wanted to call  _ his. _ Despite how harsh and crass his words were, Levi’s lips looked as soft as a rose petal. Eren was struggling to find a reason to hold himself back anymore. He wanted to lean forward and ghost his thumb over Levi’s pouty mouth just to see how soft his lips really were. Levi’s glare and words were more than happy to provide that reason for him.

“Your  _ what _ ?” Levi whispered, pulling away from Eren’s touch only by a few centimeters.

Eren felt a shy smile tug at the corners of his mouth. He had been using that affectionate name for so long that he had almost forgotten that he made it up himself. “That’s what I’ve called you all these years.”

“ _ Alley man _ ,” Levi repeated to himself. He briefly mulled over the words before it clicked. “Because I was a  _ man _ … in an  _ alley _ .”

“I was five, Levi.”

“I’m not  _ judging  _ you,” Levi said, not properly meeting Eren’s eyes.

“You are, and I don’t blame you.” Eren wasn’t fragile, he could handle Levi lightly teasing him about the silly little pet name.

Even though his lips were so close, Eren knew he was so far from kissing them. He was only just starting to get Levi to trust him and to open up. This was one of the first times that Eren was forcing himself to slow down and go easy. He was so used to rushing in headfirst, ready to deal with the consequences later, but by god he did not want to fuck this up.

-

Classes were always boring, but these days Eren was finding them to be absolutely insufferable. The longer he spent in lecture halls, the longer he was wasting time he could be spending with Levi in the library or walking Levi to his classes.

Levi never asked for Eren to do any of that, but he felt like he needed to. Levi deserved everything and more, even if Eren had made him so terribly uncomfortable before.

Neither of them could deny that Eren had made some progress with him. He was either starting to grow on Levi or he was just wearing down Levi’s urge to fight him off. Either way, he was starting to feel a lot more confident in talking to him now. Maybe it was time to finally make an attempt to get even closer. “You wanna go get some lunch together?” The library floor was almost completely empty, but Eren still whispered it anyways. It was almost as if he was more worried about scaring Levi off.

Levi shook his head. However, he actually did look at Eren to address him. “I wanted to do some more research during the lunch break.”

Eren let out a soft chuckle, resting his hand on Levi’s shoulder. He was tempted to massage it for him, he could feel just how tense he was. “Levi, I can help you research.”

He narrowed his eyes, but he didn’t pull away from Eren’s touch. “I meant research that was unrelated to video games, Eren.”

Eren scoffed and pretended to be far more offended than he truly was. “I happen to know things  _ other _ than video games.”

Levi still didn’t give in. “I doubt you know as much as this computer does.” He gestured to the clunky gray box on the table next to them.

Eren had already forgotten it was there. It had faded into the background of the old carpet and furniture that was probably from the 80s. The monitor alone was larger than Levi’s head. Eren was pretty sure his calculator was more advanced than that thing was.

Levi pulled out a small packet of sanitizing wipes and got to work wiping it down before using it. It was kind of cute, but Eren doubted Levi was really making much progress, no matter how industrial-strength Levi claimed his products were.

“Levi, I’m pretty sure that computer could give you a disease.” As slow as these computers were, he was all too aware of what some perverted students had used them for in their free time. He could only shudder and assume why some of the keys were stuck.

“Ha, ha, a computer virus joke. Very clever, Eren,” Levi deadpanned, his hand hovering over the filthy keyboard. Not even his sanitizing wipes could save him from all of that mess.

“Right. That’s what I was saying.” Eren smiled weakly. He couldn’t tell if Levi was joking right back at him or if he really was just that oblivious to what he meant. “Seriously though, I can help you learn anything faster than that dinosaur can.” Sure, the school was well funded, but that didn’t mean they had replaced the computers in the last ten years. It was a miracle that any of them still managed to turn on.

Levi didn’t seem swayed in the slightest. “Eren, it’s not just like you can access the internet from anywhere.”

Eren blinked slowly before pulling out his cellphone. “ _ Levi _ .” He shook it a bit in his hand, just to be a little bit obnoxious.

Levi narrowed his eyes at the rectangle in Eren’s hand before making the connection. “Right, phones… I forgot they could do that now.”

Eren couldn’t restrain a little laugh. Levi looked surprisingly cute when he was befuddled. “So, what do you say? I’ll take you out to lunch on campus  _ and _ I’ll let you borrow my phone.” Eren almost wanted to pat himself on the back right then and there. Flawless execution and a neutral question. In his own mind, there was  _ no  _ way that could have come off as creepy.

He mulled over Eren’s offer for a few minutes. He looked back at the dirt embedded into the keys of the computer and tried to suppress a shudder.There really wasn’t a better option. “Fine,” Levi agreed, starting to pack up his things to leave.

-

Walking out of the library together was starting to become part of their daily routine. With the chill starting to grow in the air, Eren found himself starting to fantasize about wrapping Levi up in his jacket. Yet the sudden and frigid breezes never seemed to faze Levi. It was a little bit disappointing, but Eren held on to the hope that he could comfort Levi in some other equally cliché way. If he couldn’t lend Levi his jacket, then maybe he could lend him his umbrella or his scarf when a random snow day hit. He just wanted something to give to Levi that he could hold onto and remember that he  _ does  _ care. He cares far more about Levi than just his more interesting past.

Levi’s stomach had been doing better lately. Eren wasn’t sure if he should proudly take credit for that or accept that he was the problem in the first place. Perhaps it was a bit cruel, but Eren was starting to miss Levi’s symptoms. His vomiting sessions were usually followed by some comfort and, if Eren was lucky, Levi explaining a little bit more about how he got to be this way.

Eren held the door open for Levi, like the proper gentleman his mother had raised him to be. Levi stepped through the threshold but gave Eren an odd look anyways. He always seemed to do that whenever he did something genuinely nice and polite. He always seemed to be questioning Eren’s intentions no matter how simple his actions were. Which begged a myriad of questions: what did Levi think they were? Did he see Eren as a friend, a boyfriend? Was he just a nuisance to Levi that he couldn’t manage to get rid of? Was Levi still scared of him or was he only off put by his actions in the first place?

Eren continued to glance at Levi as they wove their way through the student center. God, if only he could just read Levi’s mind sometimes, things would be so much better. He would do anything to soothe Levi’s stress, but he was only starting to learn how Levi worked. It was an awkward journey towards understanding him but Eren felt honored to be along for the ride.

The student center was the perfect area to take Levi to a laid-back lunch. It wasn’t anything serious or too forward. Eren would have much rather taken Levi out to dinner but his sudden flirtatious advantages didn’t seem to rub Levi the right way. It was better safe than sorry.

Besides, the student building had a lot of different dining options. In theory, there was something here for everyone, even someone as unusual as Levi. With any luck, Eren would get the chance to learn what his favorite food was. Levi kind of struck him as one of the types of students that subsisted entirely on salads and protein shakes. He was lean and he valued efficiency. Eren had learned his schedule enough to know there was no way Levi was visiting the gym regularly, so surely, he was staying thin by some other means.

God, he wondered how nice would it be if he could just take Levi out to a burger joint. They could even give into the cliché of sharing a milkshake. Just watching Levi relax, unwind, and allow himself to be human was all Eren could ask for. He didn’t even care at this point if Levi left his past behind, he just wanted to see Levi happy. But if Levi ever did want to revisit his old hobby, Eren would most certainly have no problems with it.

There were people everywhere. Groups of friends and long lines by the registers made navigating the main floor incredibly difficult. Plus, he knew the noise would be getting to Levi soon enough. He had a few quiet places in mind, but they were well out of the way and awkward to get to. In the end, they were probably worth it as long as Levi was comfortable.

Eren felt like he was practically floating on air as he fantasized about the man next to him. He didn’t even know if Levi  _ was _ interested in men. The very,  _ very _ small, rational side of his brain told him that he needed to accept that Levi might not want him or might not even want any man, but his heart pushed forward. They were fated to be together, he could just feel it.

As he looked back at the real version of Levi, he saw just how different he was from the one he was dreaming about. He looked irritated, tired and a little bit older too. He wasn’t the serial killer Eren worshipped for so long. He wasn’t suave and flirtatious like Eren had hoped. It didn’t make him any less perfect in Eren’s mind, just different. And unlike Eren’s imaginary love, he was  _ real. _

Levi was managing to keep up with him just fine, but Eren yearned to take his hand in his and lead him through. It was clearly his first time in the student center from the way Levi almost looked a little lost. Levi’s face didn’t react to anything around them, but if Eren focused hard enough, he could notice Levi’s shoulders tensing slightly with each sudden and loud noise that surrounded them. From sudden peals of laughter to the slamming of the bathroom doors nearby, there wasn’t a single inch of the building that could loosely be called ‘quiet’.

There weren’t many other places on campus to eat. Sure, going off campus was always an option, but that was always time consuming and expensive. It really wasn’t an option for regular everyday meals. Which begged another question: was Levi actually managing to eat something? Were those bastards not providing him with some cash to actually buy lunch? God, if Eren found out that they weren’t taking care of his Levi properly, he was going to lose it.

“If you haven’t been eating here, where have you been eating?” He feigned innocent curiosity. He didn’t want to start interrogating Levi, but he  _ needed _ to know if Levi was being taken care of. 

“I kind of just grab something from the convenience store and move on.”

Oh, right. There was a school run convenience store. Eren hadn’t even considered it. All they were really known for selling was shitty but cheap snack food and questionable premade lunches. Eren vaguely remembered being in there once. The fluorescent lights wouldn’t stop flickering and it smelled  _ odd.  _ Surely someone like Levi valued his own taste buds more than that, right? “Do you mean the, like, three-day old sandwiches they have in the fridges?”

Eren’s concern was starting to give way into frustration and Levi picked up on it immediately. “It’s fast and cheap,” he defended himself.

Eren couldn’t help but scrunch up his face at the thought of how soggy and repulsive those sandwiches must be. “Levi, wouldn’t you rather have some  _ good _ food?”

“I’m not picky about what I eat.”

“It’s not about being picky,” Eren sighed, “It’s about knowing that you deserve  _ better _ .”

He looked away for a moment, his eyes looked a little dim. “I’m not used to food being such an easily accessible resource, Eren.”

“I…  _ oh _ .” Eren shut himself up quickly, starting to feel an uneasy mixture of guilty and awkward. “I’m sorry, Levi.” The once amicable air between them had turned tense and forced. Although Levi’s face hadn’t changed and he had made no motions to  _ leave _ , Eren could tell he had pushed a little bit too hard. Eren looked around, trying to find some way to repair the situation. “Would you mind if I picked out some food for us?”

“Go ahead,” Levi shrugged. He assumed that whatever Eren was going to pick out was fine enough. Even if he didn’t want to eat it, he could always just turn it down.

Eren gave him a patient smile and told him to wait there as he went to pick up his first choice of food. The line was long, but the wait was worth it. It was one of the only places on campus to get a cheeseburger and some  _ immaculate  _ fries. The cashier recognized him at this point and didn’t even bother asking for his order, simply grabbing it for him and plugging it into the register. Eren handed his campus card over with a grin, already eager to dig into the food with Levi. As soon as the tray was in his hands, he returned to the small table Levi was waiting at, proudly putting the food down and sitting across from him.

Levi narrowed his eyes at the greasy mess in front of Eren. “This is what you had in mind?” He supposed that he could refer to it as food, but it would definitely be a stretch.

Eren beamed back at him. “Yeah, they have the best fries on campus. They’re not too thick, not undercooked. They’re crisp and perfect.” He left out the fact that the burger was kind of subpar, but hey, he was willing to take the good with the mediocre.

“It’s…” Levi’s voice trailed off as he held the fry up, observing it as it drooped between his fingers, “…something.”

“Do you want to try some of the cheeseburger?” Eren held it out to Levi, either ignoring the grease it was dripping or simply not noticing that.

Even if Levi wanted to eat that repulsive abomination, it still wasn’t an option. “I can’t eat that.”

Eren wasn’t offended per se, but he was a little bit disappointed that they couldn’t have a lovey-dovey meal together. “Why not?”

“It has meat and cheese together.”

It certainly sounded too specific to just be a simple dietary issue. “And you can’t have meat and cheese together, because…?”

“Because I can’t have milk and meat together.” Levi said simply. When Eren remained silent and puzzled, Levi explained further. “It’s not kosher.”

The explanation kind of surprised Eren. “Oh, you’re Jewish?”

“I… think I am.” Levi whispered. “It’s not like I’ve done anything religious in years though.”

“So, is it more of a family tradition thing?” God, he had just barely brought Levi back out of his shell, why the fuck did he have to push Levi right back into it? “I shouldn’t have asked.”

“You’re weird.” Levi took another fry from his basket and took a bite. It wasn’t all that bad actually. 

Eren raised a brow. “Should I apologize?”

“No.” Levi twisted the fry in his fingers. “I’m just letting you know that you’re weird.”

Eren wasn’t quite sure how to feel about being considered weird by a literal serial killer, but he almost felt flattered. He quickly made a mental note to research some of the kosher menu options. Hell, maybe he should teach himself more about the religion so that he could share some of the experiences with Levi. 

Levi seemed a lot less tense just talking to him these days. As much as Eren wanted to see Levi return to his glory days, he had to admit, he was just happy to see Levi at peace these days. It almost seemed like Levi was finally starting to settle in on campus. Now, they just needed to work on finding out what he should major in. That would probably be the last major step towards being a  _ normal  _ student here.

But as normal as Levi would appear on transcripts, he never seemed to blend into the crowd. Levi was used to getting odd, judgmental looks. It was as if every student on campus knew that he shouldn’t be there. Other students seemed to wear whatever the hell they wanted, but when Levi’s clothes fit him awkwardly or didn’t coordinate, he could feel them staring at him. He didn’t care what they thought, he just simply took note of it. His outfits were usually comfortable, but most importantly, they were  _ clean _ .

He could feel them looking at him out of the corner of their eyes as he sat picking at the basket of fries in front of him. It could have been a passing glance if it wasn’t for the fact that Levi overheard a very distinctive word fall out of their mouths. It was just three letters long, but there was something about it that just hung in the air. He had heard it a lot as a kid, so why was it bothering him  _ now _ ? He wanted to talk back. He wanted to swear and curse, but he couldn’t. His stomach started to twist, holding him back.

“Back off,” Eren growled, his eyes almost seemed to glow as contempt radiated from them. Two simple words managed to shatter their confidence, causing them to quickly scatter. Levi almost felt scared.  _ Almost _ . Even during the surprise murder, Eren hadn’t sounded quite like this.

That  _ stupid _ , dumb feeling blossomed in his chest again. It easily overpowered the nausea and gave him a rush of a new kind of disorientation. It wasn’t unpleasant, just  _ weird. _ It always seemed to start up whenever Eren got emotional. Maybe Levi was allergic to his bullshit or something. This was probably just another sign that he needed to stay the fuck away from him.

-

It was starting to get late. Levi had to get back to his apartment before anything seemed suspicious. As they left the building, he didn’t  _ look _ upset, but there was a certain slowness in his motions now. It made Eren furious. There was no way in hell someone could bother Levi like that and get to keep walking. He could see them off in the distance, chatting away without a care in the world. Maybe Levi would actually want to see this. “Hey, I’m going to go take care of them. Do you wanna join me?”

“No. I’m just feeling a little tired.”

“It was worth a try.” Eren chuckled under his breath. He had chuckled to try and make the situation lighter, but Levi still seemed a bit distressed. “Would it be better if I didn’t do anything?” Eren asked softly.

“No, go do whatever you want.” As dismissive and defeated as his words were, his tone seemed genuine.

Eren’s brows furrowed. “So, you’re not upset with me killing?”

Levi shrugged. “As long as you’re not doing it or talking about it right in front of me.” His main issue with it was the side effects, not the pathetic debate of morality.

“It’s a start, I’ll take it.” Eren smiled.

It wasn’t exactly a goodbye, but it seemed good enough for Levi. He didn’t say another word as he turned to leave. Eren was starting to get used to Levi’s silent exit.

Eren pulled out his phone to check the time, but he felt quite tempted to snap a picture of Levi. He hated to see him leave, but loved to watch him—“Oh shit, goddammit,” he muttered before calling out, “Wait, Levi!”

Levi’s shoulders tensed before he turned around just enough to glance at Eren. “What?”

An awkward smile blossomed across Eren’s face as he held up his phone. “You never actually used my phone.”

“You’re right.” Levi shrugged. “I guess we’ll just have to do this again.”

Eren felt like he could die from happiness right now, but he chose to focus his energies on something much more positive: like murder.


	9. Chapter 9

He was almost tempted to imagine what Eren was probably doing to them right now. It was kind of nice to think about those shitheads getting what they deserved. But his stomach protested in an instant, causing him to quickly shift his own train of thought.

He tried to think about his classes but quickly grew bored. He hardly had any work to do for them. His literature class was the most demanding one he was taking at the moment. By ‘demanding’, he meant that he had to read one chapter a week. He could accomplish that in half an hour even if he was taking his sweet ass time with it. He wondered who the fuck were these classes meant for. He almost felt offended by their simplicity. He needed to find a real major and fast so he could at least start taking more interesting classes.

His thoughts wandered back to Eren. He was careful not to think about the  _ other side _ of him: choosing to focus on how genuinely friendly he had been these past few weeks. He knew exactly what Eren was about to do, but he could say he was looking forward to seeing Eren tomorrow morning. His mind turned over the enigma that was Eren. Was he someone he could call a friend? Was he allowed to do that yet? Did Eren see  _ him _ as a friend?

As Levi checked out with Mike, he gave him a sharp nod as a goodbye. It was probably the most he had done to acknowledge Mike in a while. The other man raised a brow but waved goodbye to him all the same.

Levi actually was in a good mood today. It was probably unwise to give Eren the credit for his sudden shift in mood but he did so anyway. Eren had stood up for him, even if it was just telling some bastards to back off. It was more than anyone else had done for him in decades. It amazed Levi that such a small gesture could leave that much of an impact on him.

He actually felt almost excited to talk to Hanji today. As he approached their usual meeting spot, he was annoyed to see that Hanji’s car wasn’t there. Levi let out a soft sigh, wondering how long it was going to be before they actually showed up. He was still without a watch or a phone, almost completely at the mercy of time itself. There was no way to tell how much time had passed since he left the campus. It felt like less than a minute, but Levi had no way of proving that.

A different car pulled up in front of him. Sleek, silver, with tinted windows, the car seemed quite pricey and stood out from the rest. Levi was willing to write it off as just another random car waiting in traffic until the driver’s window rolled down. A familiar scowl awaited him.

_ Erwin. _

Erwin’s suspicion was neither cruel nor unwarranted. Yet it left Levi feeling  _ complicated _ all the same. He had nothing to prove to this bastard. He didn’t care what he thought. He had made enough progress for them to release him back into society, that’s all that should matter to him.

He didn’t say anything to Levi, so he just opened up one of the rear doors and climbed in without an invitation. He had never seen Erwin’s car, but considering how sleek his appearance usually was, he had been right to assume it was kept in clean condition. He guessed that phrase about ‘cars looking like their owners’ was true or was that about dogs? Whatever.

He had expected the drive to Dr. Ral’s to be almost completely silent. Erwin hardly spoke to him directly, preferring to talk to him through Hanji. Levi didn’t mind that in the slightest. “Levi,” Erwin said, looking up at the other man through the rear-view mirror. “Do you know what I swore to do when I took this job?”

His voice almost startled Levi,  _ almost.  _ “You’re awfully chatty today.” He rolled his eyes.

“I swore to protect people,  _ Ackerman. _ ” Erwin’s knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel. “I swore to keep innocent civilians safe from anyone who intended to do them harm.” He glanced at Levi through the rear-view mirror. “I swore to lock up anyone who had other plans in mind.” His vocabulary was simple and plain as if he was explaining himself to a toddler. He knew Levi was clever and quite bright, but he certainly didn’t seem to be acting like it. Hanji claimed that Levi was just shy and socially awkward, but he couldn’t help but fear that was simply a front so he could act oblivious. “Do you understand that, Levi?”

“Yeah, you’re a cop. I get it.”

“You don’t, but I’m not here to argue over that. I just want you to know that if you’re hiding any critical information, I will be making sure you never get an offer like  _ this _ ,” Erwin gestured to the main campus gate as they passed through, “ever again.”

Levi’s eyes trailed after the gate, watching the campus get smaller and smaller as they drove on. He didn’t care too much about the college, but he would certainly feel like shit if it was taken away from him. He guessed that’s just how it worked. Give a bastard something he can barely enjoy, but keep him in line by threatening to take it away.

Levi rolled his eyes and sat back in his chair. He’d never admit it, but he did appreciate the fact that Erwin’s car was  _ much _ cleaner than Hanji’s. “The hell do you mean by critical information?” Levi asked, glaring at the rearview mirror. Erwin didn’t look up to meet his gaze, instead, he focused on the road ahead. “ _ Cryptic bastard, _ ” Levi muttered under his breath. The blond asshole probably overheard him, but he couldn’t find it in himself to give a single shit.

He was starting to miss Hanji’s deranged babbling. He’d rather be pelted with questions than being stuck in this frigid, tense silence.

They had promised him that Erwin would only be his back up driver, so now Levi had to worry about Hanji too. Where the hell were they? Were they okay? Not that Levi actually  _ really _ cared, of course. He was just worried that he was going to be stuck with Erwin. That was absolutely, one hundred percent, his only cause for concern.

Was Moblit going to ask about them when he stepped inside? The idea of him not even noticing Hanji’s absence gave him a weird feeling. But of course, Levi knew that he saw Hanji as a doctor and a caretaker, nothing more. As sad as it was, Eren was the closest thing he had to a friend. That’s what they were, right? Friends. Levi didn’t have much experience in that area, so he could hardly tell. Was he overstepping his boundaries by considering Eren that?

-

He had been going to see Petra for years now, but today felt like the first time he was walking into a place he could almost call  _ home. _ Her demeanor hadn’t changed in the slightest. She hadn’t put up any new signs or decor or put out any new snacks. No, the only variable that had actually changed was  _ Levi. _ Who knew that befriending a murderer was the first step towards actually resembling a normal, functioning adult?

He stayed quiet for the first few minutes, just choosing to listen to Petra’s pen scratching against her paper. The barely audible ticking of the clock was the only real indicator that time was progressing right now. He used to want to rip it off the wall and smash it against the floor, hoping to god that the disturbing ticking would stop.

The irritable and repetitious noises weren’t getting to him at all today. It was goddamn miraculous. He actually felt like he could manage to hear his own thoughts.

He had been meaning to talk about Eren for quite a while. He never had because it was either way too incriminating or he simply didn’t  _ want _ to. Today was different. He was in, well, he couldn’t say that he was in a  _ good _ mood, but it was certainly close to that.

He could tell Petra was waiting for him to have the first word. She always did. She would say that it was important for him to set the tone of the session, even if that tone was just silence. Those days always felt like they went on for an eternity, but those were in the past, right?

Levi felt his nerves starting to build up as he tried to figure out how to phrase it. Should he try to explain how they met first? No, there was no way in hell that would ever be okay. Should he talk about Eren as a hypothetical person just to cover his own ass? Petra would see right through him.

“I think I’ve made a friend,” he ended up blurting out. At least it all came out in a decent manner.

“Levi, that’s wonderful!” It’s times like these that she was glad she chose to work with people like Levi. She’d say that seeing moments like these were their own reward, but she  _ did _ have to pay her rent too. Petra hastily scribbled down a few notes before pushing Levi a little bit more, eager to hear about his attempts at integrating back into society. “What’s his name?”

“Eren Yeager,” Levi said simply.

“ _ Eren Yeager _ ,” she repeated, tapping her pen against her clipboard. Why did that name seem so familiar? She was tempted to ask Levi more, but she shook her head to herself. She had been dealing with so many patients for so many years. Chances were, she was probably just confusing the name with a patient or client with a similar name.

The rest of the session comprised of Levi lightly complaining about anything and everything. It was actually quite shocking how little Levi got into it. His complaints could easily be mistaken for whining at this point. They were superficial and small issues that he was able to overcome quite easily. Half the time, Levi would stop in the middle of his rant and say that it simply wasn’t worth it to keep talking about it. Petra was quite proud. It would take a while for him to rework his communication habits towards something more positive, but this was still a major step forward.

And not only that, she even noticed that his complaints were more about his situation rather than the people. His anger was shifting towards things that he  _ could _ change, things that he  _ wanted _ to change. It would be a great gateway to get him to redirect his frustrations into productive outlets.

She absolutely agreed that he needed more stimulating classes, but she knew there wasn’t much she could do about helping him decide a major. While it wasn’t a permanent decision, it was a highly personal one. Levi had many skills and natural talents, but after being cut off from the world for ten years, she certainly couldn’t blame him for not having much of an idea of what he wanted to do. This choice was hard for people who  _ did _ have dreams, how was Levi supposed to make this choice when he didn’t think he had anything to look forward to? She considered talking to him about hope and choices, but that would be such a lengthy conversation that she didn’t want to try and cram it into the last half of their session.

This was also one of the rare times that Levi was taking the lead in their conversations, there was no way in hell that she was going to cut him off now.

She hadn’t seen this much rapid progress in one of her patients in years. After the third year, Levi had started to progress at a decent pace, but this was quite impressive. She was going to be so happy to write up her report and send it off to Erwin. She made a gamble in giving her recommendation for reintegration, but it seemed to be paying off. He seemed almost completely harmless at this point.

-

For the return trip, Erwin didn’t utter a single word to him. The only noises he made were the occasional clearing of his throat. For some reason, that alone was enough to keep Levi on edge. That son of a bitch probably knew it too. He didn’t even say a word as he pulled up to Levi’s apartment building. Levi opened up the passenger door, making sure to grab his backpack as he left. He hesitated to walk off, tempted to thank him, but he shook his head and walked off. He had hardly interacted with the blond before, there was no need to really change that now. 

Most of the buildings surrounding the campus were well maintained and only served clientele that fit the “upstanding citizen” look. His apartment complex was certainly no exception. In fact, most of its residents were fellow students. Seniors and Juniors often flocked to this building, desperate to escape the shitty confines of on-campus dormitories. Most of these people should be “safe” to be around, but that certainly didn’t prompt Levi to let his guard down. As Levi readjusted his backpack, he pulled his apartment key from his pocket. He was tempted to hold it between his knuckles out of muscle memory, but his stomach protested immediately. His mind still associated self-defense as a form of violence.

Levi tried to quickly make it up the stairs without attracting too much attention from his neighbors. He could hear music blasting from some doors as arguments poured out of others. The doors that concerned him the most were the completely silent apartments he passed by.

He never made a point of taking notes on his neighbors, but there were some things he had picked up on over the weeks. The apartments on either side of his never,  _ never _ made any noise. They were supposedly occupied, but Levi had never seen anyone step out of them. He had never seen a light shining from their windows or underneath the door. That certain feeling of the unknown made Levi’s skin crawl every time he walked past them.

He let out a strained sigh of relief as he entered his apartment. He shut the door behind him, only allowing himself to relax once he put the deadbolt back in the door. No one in the building had ever threatened him, or even acknowledged him, but there were some habits that simply won’t break, not even after ten years.

As he walked away from the door, his backpack seemed to weigh heavily on his shoulders. He tugged at the straps and let it fall onto his couch. Levi didn’t even bother doing any homework that night. He didn’t have anything due in weeks. He overheard other students talk about having online assignments due each and every night. Was he insane to envy them? Was he crazy to wish that his teachers would trust him to actually have a consistent and heavy workload? The monotony of simple classes was getting to him. He was tired of having his hand held in each class.

The next semester would be the first time he was allowed to give input into his own class schedule. He had no doubt that he was going to try and load up on higher-level courses. The only question was  _ which _ higher-level courses. He really wasn’t enjoying any of the classes he was taking, so he certainly didn’t want to continue any of his current studies. Maybe he could just dive into something he hardly knew just so he could at least be fueled by panic rather than just showing up because he  _ had _ to.

He had heard students crying over organic chemistry, maybe he could throw himself into that. Engineering was also seen as a nightmare, perhaps Levi could consider that too. Just anything other than basic freshman courses,  _ please. _

Levi briefly considered pulling out his cleaning supplies to take out his frustrations on his apartment. All of his food, hygiene, and cleaning supplies were purchased and provided by his “caretakers”. All he had to do was fill out a form each month, making a statement about what he needed. Apparently, it was “suspicious” to request four gallons of bleach and other toxic chemicals each month. All that told Levi was that whoever the fuck was in charge of processing his request had no idea how to clean. Levi wouldn’t trust that bastard to wipe their own asshole, let alone let them pick out his cleaning products. His home felt filthy, but it was genuinely out of his control, he wasn’t going to let himself feel remorseful over it.

As Levi laid down to bed, he couldn’t help but feel like he wasn’t alone. He could never truly be alone in his apartment. Sometimes it felt like they were keeping a closer eye on him in here than they were when he was in the institution.

He couldn’t go a single week without accidentally discovering a new one of their shitty fucking cameras. There were several scattered around his bedroom. He discovered one under his couch after one of his pens had rolled under there. He even discovered a microphone in his toilet tank when he went on a cleaning spree. Why the fuck did they even need to watch him that much? Wasn’t this a huge waste of money to have this many cameras and bugs?

The air conditioning had been going in and out lately. By the time he ever got around to talking to the landlord, the problem would always seem to have fixed itself. It kept the room just hot enough that it made it hard for him to stay asleep. Levi let his eyes flutter back open. The red blinking lights that surrounded him persisted. How the shit was he supposed to sleep like this? He rolled over and pulled his pillow over his eyes. It was uncomfortable and he hated trapping his hot breath against himself, but he was running out of options here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sick this week, so this chapter may have been all over the place. Thankfully my lovely beta, Merrique, helped to reign it in a little.


	10. Chapter 10

Levi let out what could easily be interpreted as a happy sigh as they walked across campus side by sider. Eren knew it was probably a mistake to assume that, but he had never heard Levi make a sound like that. Considering the fact that Levi was still standing close to him, he chose to assume that Levi was enjoying himself.

The walk from the library to the commons seemed to be getting shorter and shorter each day. It seemed like the time he had with Levi was constantly dwindling. With the sun going down earlier these days, Levi had to return back to his apartment earlier too. It didn’t make any sense. They didn’t seem to think Levi was the killer, but they still treated him like a threat.Perhaps Eren was just incredibly biased here, but he felt that Levi should be granted his freedom back. He certainly deserved it more than any of the other livestock that attended their college. He was the only one that saw the world for what it really was. Eren was losing his patience. He simply couldn’t let Levi live in a cage for much longer. 

If Levi never killed again, he could respect that.  _ However _ , if Eren knew he could jumpstart Levi’s violent urges, he would happily do so. Surely, it would help Levi back down a path of emotional stability and self-exploration. While Levi was no longer in the ‘right’ age range to make personal discoveries, Eren felt that even someone as old as Levi needed to find out who they really were, free from outside influences. The institution was an awful influence to be suffocated under during such a pivotal time in his life. Eren could only hope that he could undo their bonds on his Levi.

By definition, Eren knew he was still an influence on Levi, but he certainly didn’t see himself that way. He felt like he was returning Levi to his true self. He hardly knew his past or his reasons, but surely he knew him better than those shithead doctors did.

It had been a while since their first time in the commons together. Each time, Levi refused to pick out their food and left the decision up to Eren. The last few times, he picked out some thing different and unique, hoping to find out some more about Levi’s preferred palate. His reactions hardly changed, leaving Eren to wonder if he even had a set of functioning taste buds.

This time, Eren decided to grab his usual cheeseburger and fries. He was quick to change it to a hamburger this time, knowing that Levi couldn’t eat the cheese. Levi would still probably turn it down, but he’d much rather at least give Levi the option. That small chance was more than enough to get Eren’s hopes up.

Once Eren returned to their table, he was happy to see Levi perk up a bit as he set the food down. The other man immediately reached to grab a fry from the basket before catching Eren’s stare. “So, you like the fries after all, huh?” he teased him.

Levi rolled his eyes. “They’re okay. I’m just eating them because I know you’ll eat what I can’t stomach.”

“That’s really sweet.” Eren actually felt touched. Maybe his fantasy of taking Levi out to a diner could come true. Now, he just needed to try and see if any of the local ones were certified to be kosher. Could a diner be considered Kosher?

“It’s efficient.” Levi pushed the rest of the fries towards Eren, effectively saying that he was full, or at least didn’t want anymore.

“Also, I have a weird question for you.” He put his elbows on the table, propping up his head as he eagerly awaited Levi’s response.

“Don’t you always?”

A smirk tugged at his lips. “Fair enough, but still.” He pulled away from the table to open up his backpack. He pulled out a crinkled worksheet and put in down between them. He  _ had _ tried to keep it neat and tidy, but it wasn’t his fault the professors handed them out as they were walking out. He had no choice but to shove it in his backpack while walking. If they didn’t want crinkled papers then maybe they should start putting their assignments online. “I have this assignment for Criminology, I think I want to do it based on you.”

Levi let the soggy fry tumble from his grip. His appetite had faded even quicker than his patience. “Absolutely not,” he hissed out.

“Why not?” Eren all but whined. This was the perfect way to get to know Levi better. He could spend hours and hours with him under the excuse of research.

“You’re really dumb, you know that?” Levi’s jaw clenched as he could feel his anger starting to creep back. He didn’t even notice that it wasn’t numb and distant, it was electric and alive. His emotions weren’t weighed down by his stomach or his nerves. He was angry, he was  _ pissed _ , but his body did not interfere. 

“What do you mean?”

“First, I can’t talk about it.” He gestured to his easily irritable stomach. Chances were, it was going to start putting up a fight in a few seconds after all of this. “Second, do you want to out me to the whole school—“

“Alright, alright, I think I get it.” Eren let out a chuckle, happy to help himself to the left-over fries.

Levi certainly didn’t see the humor in the situation. That hot, electric feeling was building. “Do you?” He asked with narrowed his eyes. His heart was starting to race.

“I think so?” Eren smiled. Levi put his hands on the table and pushed himself up to stand. He grabbed his bag, swinging it over his shoulder as he walked away from the table, leaving Eren to only stare at him as he slinked away. Eren let out a shaky sigh, fairly sure Levi didn’t want to be followed. Every fiber in his body was telling him to chase after him, but he hung back, letting Levi have some space.

-

Although Levi chose to abstain from killing these days, Eren couldn’t help his lingering bloodlust. The campus had made an attempt to curtail his killing by enforcing a curfew across the whole campus. At first, students had protested and claimed it wasn’t going to stop the deaths. The cops needed to do their damn job and catch the bastard already. But of course, Eren was still safe and sound in his dorm, not in cuffs behind bars. Although he was free from prison, the curfew did make it hard for him to find some unlucky target, and even harder to just  _ get outside. _

Eren quietly opened his bedroom door, not surprised to see Armin and Mikasa sitting in their dorm’s common area. They were watching some cartoon together. Textbooks, binders, notebooks, and snacks littered the coffee table. Eren wasn’t quite sure if they were taking a break from studying, or if studying was the break from whatever they were binge watching today.

They seemed pretty engrossed in their show, so he assumed he was a free bird. He crept to the door. He couldn’t even get his fingers on the handle before Mikasa turned her head. “Eren, where are you going?”

“Um, out?” Eren smiled, trying to hide the awkward embarrassment of being caught. Mikasa meant well but she was really stifling him right now.

“What about the curfew?” Her eyes narrowed, effectively making Eren take a step back from the door.

As much as he resented being kept on a leash, he decided to go along with it just to get her off his back. “I’m just going out for a walk to clear my head.”

Armin popped his head up from the sofa, giving Eren an odd look. “That sounds like a really,  _ really _ good way to get murdered.”

The amount of irony in his words nearly made Eren let out a chuckle. “I’ll be fine, guys. I’m not going to get killed.”

“Famous last words,” Armin muttered under his breath.

Mikasa threw Armin a pointed glare before softening her gaze towards Eren. “I’m not letting you go outside.”

“Ugh.” Eren gave in and threw his hands up. He was already starting to form a backup plan as he started to walk back to his bedroom.

“If you leave,” Armin turned back to continue watching the show. “I’ll just text you minion memes till you come back.”

Eren let his act drop for a moment, genuinely feeling repulsion in his heart. “That’s a fate worse than death.”

“Then stay here. You can watch the new She-Ra with us,” Mikasa offered. She all but dragged Eren to the sofa with them. It was roomy enough for two people to sit comfortably, but three people made Eren feel even more awkward and out of place.

The two insisted that he stay for at least one episode. It wasn’t  _ awful _ but it certainly wasn’t his cup of tea. But then again, none of the programs that were targeted towards their age group seemed all that interesting. It was all just unrealistic violence and sex. Eren certainly didn’t blame them for watching things that were intended for younger ages.

“Wow, it’s…” Eren’s voice trailed off as he gritted his teeth.

“Fun, right!” Armin cut in. If he noticed Eren’s apprehension, he quickly ignored it.

“I was going to say vibrant.” The saturated colors were starting to give him a headache.

-

After that episode ended, Eren decided to duck out and claim that he had a lot of homework to do. Neither of his friends stopped him. They were just content that he wasn’t trying to leave the dorm again.

Eren let out a silent sigh as he unlocked the window.

When they had first moved onto campus, he was annoyed that they were living on the first floor. It was noisy and it lacked a lot of privacy. But tonight, he was certainly appreciating it. Hopping out of the window should be as simple as snapping a collarbone.

He didn’t even get it open an inch before loud knocking startled him. “Eren, did you just open your window?” Mikasa asked through the door.

“How the fuck did she hear that?” Eren hissed to himself. It was like she was born with higher senses than the vast majority of the population.

“Yeah, it’s a little stuffy in here.” While it was mostly an excuse, it certainly was pretty gross in here. There was always a lingering smell of mildew that refused to dissipate. It was probably within the walls, slowly spreading through the poorly maintained dorm.

It didn’t seem to be important enough for Mikasa to give in. She opened the door, revealing Armin standing beside him. He looked anxious. “Eren, the killer could get in through there.”

“I just want some fresh air, guys,” He insisted gesturing to the window. “I was only going to open it up an inch or two.”

The two of them gave him an odd look, both seeing through his lies immediately. It was amazing that such a bad liar had gotten away with so much in such little time. Part of him warned him that he couldn’t get away with this forever, but another part of him simply didn’t care.

“You can get fresh air in the morning.”

He let out a harsh sigh. Maybe having his closest friends as roommates wasn’t the best idea. They were looking out for him, trying to take care of him, and it was starting to get fairly irritating. “I don’t appreciate being locked in a cage,” He grumbled as if it wasn’t his own actions that got him here.

Mikasa seemed satisfied with Eren’s resignation and she closed the door behind her.

Once Eren was alone again, he planted his face in his mattress, holding back a frustrated scream. It took what felt like hours for him to calm back down.

He didn’t even bother to change into pajamas, deciding that it just wasn’t worth it.

Eren lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. His fingers were twitching. His body was filled with that same insatiable desire, but he had no way to release it tonight. Well, at least there was no way to satiate his blood lust. His other lust, well…

It was times like these that he really wished Levi had a phone. Even so much as a picture or a text from him would be enough to completely send him over the edge.

-

Eren was getting tired of constantly hanging out in the library. There were too many people here. Too many people listening, watching. He could feel their eyes on him every time he stepped into a room. It was probably his own paranoia starting to get to him. He was going to slip up one of these days, it was only a matter of  _ when _ . The only thing that seemed to be grounding him these days was Levi. His usual friends and classmates were getting on his nerves or asking him too many questions under a fake cheery vibe. There was a peculiar glint in Armin’s eyes these days. He made no other indication that he knew about his little hobby, but Armin was far too smart to blatantly approach a potential murderer like that. Maybe if he knew how Levi got caught, he could feel a lot more secure about it all. He still didn’t know how Levi got arrested in the first place.

The hands on the clock seemed to be completely paralyzed today. They just barely crept along, as if time itself was struggling to hang on. Eren had nothing to work on or anything to study. Levi was still with him, but he wasn’t even looking at him, let alone talking to him. Eren wasn’t a mind reader, but he could tell the relationship between them had been strained lately.

Eren kept an eye on his watch. At the top of each hour, he told himself he was going to pipe up and actually break the silence, yet each hour passed by all the same. Eren’s tongue felt heavy in his mouth. By the time he actually managed to cough up some words, Eren felt ashamed of how long it took. “If you won’t let me formally research you, will you at least let me ask you questions?”

“You already do.” Levi turned to glare at him. “To a very irritating extent, may I add.” His dour look faltered as his brows furrowed tighter in pain.

Levi was always short, both in height and in patience, but he seemed to be at the end of his rope today. “Are you okay?” Eren lowered his voice. “You seem off these days.”

“I’m—“ Levi let out a shaky breath.  Whatever had been keeping Levi straight in his seat gave way and he pitched forward. He grabbed the table to steady himself and Eren saw that Levi was shaking like a leaf in his seat. It seemed to take all of Levi's strength to lower himself to the floor .

“Levi.” Eren sat down next to him on the floor. Even by Eren’s standards, it seemed filthy. By Levi’s standards, this carpet would probably be considered hazardous. He couldn’t imagine the place Levi was at mentally if he was willing to sit here.

“I’m sick and tired of constantly having to rein in my emotions because of some secondary symptoms that just popped up out of nowhere.” Even Levi’s voice was shaking.True, while Hanji was happy to have some evidence to present to Erwin about his change, this wasn’t their doing. They had even taken Levi to a hospital a few times trying to figure out if it was an ulcer or a tumor that was causing his distress. Petra concluded it was a secondary symptom of his ‘mental anguish’, whatever the fuck that meant.

“I’m…” Eren was at a loss for what to say.  _ ‘I’m sorry’ _ ? never really accomplished anything. The chance it would now was slim to none. Instead, he stayed quiet to let Levi vent some more.

“I’m tired of being uncomfortable with physical contact.” Levi brought his hands up to his face and peered through his fingers at the floor. His shoulders still quivered, but his voice was coming out stronger and stronger. “I’m tired of having every single one of my actions be calculated not only to cover my ass, but yours too.”

“You…” Eren’s eyes widened. He looked at Levi for what felt like the first time. His preconceived dreams and notions slipped away as he saw him for what he really was. His skin was pale, his clothes hung from his frame awkwardly, deep purple bags hung from his hollow eyes. Had he always looked so… so  _ frail _ ? 

“Do you know how much shit I have to hide from other people? From my supervisors, from my therapist?” That shaking in his voice gave way to anger. “I don’t like to lie, Eren.” Levi rubbed his temples and finally looked Eren in the eye. “That’s why I never even made an attempt at pleading innocence when I got caught.”

Eren’s breath was caught in his throat. There was no way Levi would be hiding him from the authorities at this point if he didn’t like him. There was no way Levi would put himself out for Eren’s sake unless that was true. Surely  _ that _ was the right thing to take away from all of this. “Levi, listen to me. I’ve got you. You’re safe. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure you’re safe.” He promised as if  _ he _ wasn’t one of the main causes of Levi’s anxiety. Eren’s hands hovered over Levi’s shoulder.

Levi didn’t believe him. He couldn’t even remember the last time someone had genuinely wanted him safe. “I’m…” His voice trailed off. As much as he wanted to believe Eren was someone to confide in, he knew that he had blatant ulterior motives. “I’m not what you wanted.”

“I know, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you.” Eren had initially been disappointed, that was true. After all this time, he didn’t need his alley man. He wanted  _ Levi _ . He liked Levi, mood swings, glares and all. “Just listen to me.” 

“I’m not going to force you to open up and talk to me, but I want—“ Eren shook his head and put his hands on Levi’s shoulders. “No, I  _ need _ you to know that you can talk to me.” Eren gently caressed Levi’s shoulders with his thumbs to help show Levi that he was there for him. He wanted to help ground Levi and help him out of the dark place he was in. “I understand you better than most people ever could.”

“I… I want to,” he admitted. “But I don’t think I’m ready yet.”

“That’s okay too, Levi. You don’t  _ need _ to be ready yet.” The urge to pull Levi into a hug was almost painful, but he’d rather deny himself the comfort than risk making Levi uncomfortable again. “I just need you to know that I….” It was far too early to say that he loved him. Eren deliberated if it was the right time to tell him. He swallowed down the dryness in his throat. “I…. I like you a lot.” Eren restrained himself.

Levi looked up slowly, looking deep into Eren’s eyes, searching for something. Whether or not he found it didn’t matter. “You’re not half bad, Eren.” Levi’s mouth moved to form a peculiar shape. In the eyes of anyone else, it would probably be seen as a grimace rather than a smile, but to Eren, it was everything. Eren didn’t seem to be that bad of an influence on him. If anything, it seemed like he was actually helping him to become an ‘ideal’ citizen. Here he was, already making some kind of a friend. He was learning to interact with people on his own terms. He was choosing to talk to Eren because he  _ wanted  _ to. ‘How fucking bizarre is that?’ he mused.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back at uni now so I should be able to start updating regularly. My ol once a week system will definitely not work anymore, but maybe every other week? Sounds good?


End file.
